HELP ME FIX MY BROKEN HEART

Chapter 7

Carla's POV

I walked up slowly to get my journal I refused to make eye contact with Miranda, for the past 2 weeks I have not said more than 3 words to her, I refuse to let her think she knows me, to trust her, but damn she is hot.  For two weeks I have thought of nothing but her, of how her hand felt on my face and how good it would feel to have her hold me, someone to touch me with love, to tell me everything would be ok.  Who am I kidding though I'm her student and she is my teacher.  It would never work because she is beautiful and would never want anybody like me, and on the other hand it is completely illegal and I would not get her arrested or in trouble for me.

I walk back to my desk with my journal, I open up to were I wrote the poem and see her note about me needing to stay after class to talk.  I smiled to myself, I'm smiling I haven't smiled a real smile in a long time.  I keep telling myself to breathe, but it just doesn't seem to be working.  We have about 10 minutes left of class and it seems like it's taking an hour.

So the past week has actually been decent my dad has not been home for a week, I have no clue where he is or what he is doing, but I don't care my body has had no abuse or pain in over a week and I am very happy.  I'm guessing he took off because next week is a year since my mom and sister passed away.  I find myself missing them more and more.  My dad told me last week he wished it would have been me that died instead of them, I responded with "me too" and got the living hell beat out of me for the next 2 days.  Thank God I had the weekend to recover.  The bell ringing snapped me out of my thoughts, and I realized that "our" talk was coming.  I started walking towards Miranda's desk when suddenly I felt someone trip me and I fell flat on my face.  I look up to see Becky standing over me smirking.  She bent down and stuck her hand out, I looked over at Miranda and to be the good girl that I am I took her hand as she helped me up and whispered in my ear, "If you think she cares you are completely wrong faggot, why would she want someone like you when she can have someone like me."  She quickly let go of my hand and walked out of the room.

I was fighting back the tears and shot towards the door, I felt a hand grab my wrist and I flinched in pain. Shit that hurt.  Miranda noticed me flinch and let go quickly, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you." I looked into her hazel eyes and saw all the concern she had, "Carla please talk to me, don't leave."  I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out, what really scared the hell out of me was I wanted to but I can't trust her, I can't let her in.  She reached her hand out and took my hand in hers.  I looked down at our hands and she brought her other hand up to the cuff of my hoodie sleeve. 

"Please don't Miranda, don't do this."  I was pleading with her but I wasn't running or trying to pull away. 

She looked up into my eyes and took a step closer to me, "Let me help you Carla, I won't hurt you, please trust me." I never let my eyes leave hers as I slowly felt my hoodie sleeve rising.  I heard a gasp, "Why?" I looked into her eyes and saw hurt, concern, and disappointment. I pulled my sleeve down and turned around, "Carla please, please don't run." 

I turned back around and looked at her.  "I'm not running Miranda I'm doing what's good for both of us and walking away."

I was sitting in the weight room taking a break I've been in here 45 minutes doing my normal routine, but the anger inside me kept building, I needed a release and I didn't have my blade. So I did the best next thing, a punching bag.  I wrapped my hands and put on the gloves, this is where I can take out as much frustration as I want, I can picture anybody's face and beat the hell out of it.  I was completely lost in my anger finding myself screaming at the bag, "I fucking hate you, why did you leave me with him, why the hell couldn't I have been in that car also?  Why couldn't I have died and all this shit would be over by now."

I felt the tears flowing freely now with every word I hit the bag harder, finally I just dropped to my knees and lost it, all the emotion, all the pain, all the hurt and fear came out at once.  I suddenly felt to arms around my waist and I was lifted into someone's lap.  I already knew who it was, she was the only one who wore that type of perfume.  I snuggled my head into her neck and cried.  I felt her arms tighten around me, and she whispered in my ear, "It's ok let it all out, I've got you, nobody's going to hurt you."  I put my arms around her and cried like I've never cried before.