HELP ME FIX MY BROKEN HEART

Chapter 15

Miranda POV

It's Monday, I didn't feel like doing much today so the kids are watching a movie, or doing whatever the hell they want to do.  I couldn't get my mind off this weekend.  I tried to talk to Carla but she shut down on me.  I tried to call her all day Sunday and she just kept telling me she was busy.  I keep looking at her, ok maybe starring, but she never looks up.  She's always writing away in that damn journal that I never get to see.  I just want to know what she is thinking, did I push her to far, did I scare her away. I'm awakened out of my thoughts as the bell rings.  "Carla I need to talk to you about something."  I say, she acted like she didn't even hear me and walked out of the door.  What the fuck.

Tomorrow is our first game, the girls are ready, but I'm not sure we are, everyone always says if we have Carla we will win.  I'm surprised when Carla tells them it's not about one person it's about the team, how they have to play together.  I have tried pushing her more these past few weeks, I want her to take more control of the game, but she is determined to be a team player, help others, she'd rather have an assist than a point, and it drives me fucking crazy.

Practice is over, and I know she will stay around like she does after every practice, she is going to talk to me whether she wants to or not.  I walk out of the coaches room and of course she's in the gym.  Her work ethic amazes me, she never leaves the gym until 100 free throws, jump shots, and three pointers are made.  I remember being the exact same way.

She see's me coming and continues shooting, "Why are you ignoring me?" I ask

"Miranda, I'm not trying to ignore you, I'm trying to think I have a lot on my mind that I'm trying to figure out, I'm trying to maintain a student teacher relationship at school, and obviously I'm doing a better job at that than you are." she said

Well ok then, I wanted to be mad but I knew she was right, I didn't even teach any class today.  I knew that I needed to set boundaries at school, but damn it was hard.  I even thought about leaving, but I new there was no way they could replace a coach with the season starting tomorrow.  "Ok, I get that at school, but you wouldn't even talk to me yesterday." She continued shooting, damn she literally never misses a free throw.

She turned and looked at me, "Shouldn't I be the one acting like this, I'm the teenager, your the adult.  Look Saturday was fucking amazing, I wouldn't change anything about it, it scares the hell out of me if we hadn't got interrupted how far I would have went.  Honestly I don't think I'm ready to go that far, but when I'm alone with you, I want to, I feel safe, and that scares the hell out of me, because I haven't felt that in so long.  I'm just trying to slow things down, We have to be safe the rest of this year, because I know you would quit in a heart beat, but I don't want you to do that, and I really want to focus on this basketball season, I have major colleges looking at me, and it would mean the world to me to get a scholarship."

Wow, that was a lot of information at once. She does but she doesn't, I'm acting immature, she feels safe which is what I want, and all she's concerned about is basketball.  I can't help but feel hurt, I really thought I was more important, I know she didn't mean it in the way I took it.  I just wish I knew what the hell she wanted, because after Saturday I knew what I wanted.  "Ok, you are really confusing, you know that, one second your trying to get in my pants, the next your telling me to back off basically." As soon as I said it I wanted to take it back.

"Fuck you, I thought out everybody you would understand, I have suffered for the past year, I've lost all my family in a single year, My dad made me his fun toy for 7 months, so I'm sorry that my fucked up little head can't make up it's mind on what it wants." She said and she started walking to the dressing room.