HELP ME FIX MY BROKEN HEART

Chapter 12

Carla POV

I sat nervously picking at my finger, my knee was probably bouncing 100 times a minute. We were at the funeral home getting ready to make the arrangement's. I felt, nervous, scared, and nauseous, I'm only 18 and I'm having to plan my last relatives funeral. I think Miranda could feel the anxiety since I couldn't sit still for more than 5 seconds, she reached over and entangled our hands together, "It's going to be ok, I will be with you the whole time." I gave her a small smile and nodded my head.

"Carla Smith" I heard a male voice say, I look up at the man, of course he knew who I was, him and my dad had been best friends since high school. I stood up nervously and followed him to his office. He offered for us to it down and I did immediately, all of sudden I felt like my legs weighed a ton and I could barely move them.

"I am so sorry for your loss, Carla I know this must be hard for you, as well as the next few days." I just nodded my head. "What do I need to do?" I asked. "Well you are 18 so you can sign these papers that need to be signed. You're father already had taken care of all the plans a while back, so all his expenses are already paid and we can follow the arrangements he had planed already, so if you just want to look this over, and if there is anything you want to add."

"No, just do whatever it is he already had planned, there is no need for me to add anything." He gave me a shocked look, "You don't have any questions, wouldn't you like to know how your father past away."

Shit, I never even thought of asking, "I'm sorry I think I'm just still in shock, yes please tell me."

He reached into his desk and pulled out an envelope when he handed it to me it was sealed with my name on it, "This was found with your father, of course everybody wanted to open it, but I would not let them. I am sorry to tell you that your father took his own life with a single gut shot."

Miranda's hand tightened in my grip, I hadn't realized we were still holding hands. I just looked down at the envelope, I quickly signed papers not caring what they were for and ran for the door. I barely made it outside when two arms were around my waist. "Don't run, please, just come home with me, we don't have to talk, we don't have to do anything, I just don't want you alone." Miranda whispered in my ear.

I wanted to go, but I also wanted to be by myself, I knew the best place for me was with her though because if I went to my house I would just do something stupid. "Ok, let's go, I don't want to be here anymore." The drive back to her house was quiet, neither of us spoke, I just stared at the envelope in my hand deciding if I should read it or not.

When we got back to Miranda's house I was still undecided about the letter, I might as well read it now, I just looked at Miranda and she just nodded her head, she didn't have to say anything, she knew what I was thinking. I slowly opened the envelope and unfolded the letter.

Carla,

My beautiful youngest daughter, I know I have been a monster the past year and I am so sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me, and honestly I would understand if you never did. What I have done to you is unforgivable. I was suppose to be your father, your role model, and I stripped all that away from you. After your mom and sister died, I became someone I didn't know anymore. Instead of asking for help, I tried to drink my problems away, I've come to realize that was never going to happen. I am so sorry for leaving you this early in your life, and I'm sorry I'll never walk you down the aisle, or get o see my grandchildren. I know that this day is already a horrible day for you because you lost 2 people you loved on this day also, I did not want to create another miserable day for you, so that is why I decided on this day. Please understand I never meant to hurt you. I hope your life is full of the happiness you deserve. I love you baby girl.

Dad

I could barely read the last few lines I was crying so hard, when I dropped the letter I ran straight into her arms, being here I felt safe, I know she wanted to ask questions but she didn't say a word, she just held me while I cried. I reached for the letter and handed it to her. "No, Carla you don't have to let me read it."

"I want you to please," he nodded her head, I could see her facial expressions change through out the letter when she got done she just looked at me, I couldn't take it anymore so I leaned in and captured her lips between mine. Every time we kiss, it's more magical then before, I think I shocked her because she didn't kiss me back at first, the her lips started moving into the perfect rhythm as mine. I pulled away to catch my breathe and placed my forehead on hers. I knew one thing it was going to be rough couple of days, but as long as she was with me, I was going to be ok.