HELP ME FIX MY BROKEN HEART

Chapter 13

Carla POV

The next few days seem to pass like a blur. Everybody in this small ass town came to family visitation and the funeral service. They even let school out early, my whole damn class was there. Which was weird, I hated most of them, but, it was nice that they were there. Miranda was always there, unfortunately we couldn't be seen together all the time so she mingled around while I had to endure everybody's sincere apologies. It was hard not being able to hold her hand, let her hold me when I got over whelmed, when my anxiety would take over.

I took the rest off the week off school, just to get stuff around the house done, plus I just didn't want to be around people. Miranda was constantly checking on me which actually was getting on my nerves. As I was going through some pictures my phone started to ring.

"Hello" I said bitterly I already knew who it was.

"Whoa, ok, what's wrong, I'm on lunch and wanted to see you." she said

"I'm at my house, trying to get shit done, but I can't when my phone goes off every 5 seconds, I'm not a child Miranda, so please don't treat me like one. Can you just leave me alone." I said and hung up on her.

I currently had family pictured scattered around, it was the happy ones where all 4 of us where together. I really am still in shock that I'm the only one left. Tears where staining my checks, I just couldn't help it anymore. I ran to the bathroom, my demons taking full control. "I told you, you would push her away, you don't need anybody but us, you think you've tried to ignore us, just do what your good at and cut."

My mind was racing as I pulled out the razor, I never promised her I wouldn't she has to understand this is my way of coping. I slid the blade across the upper parts of my arm and watched as the blood dripped on the floor, I got lost in my demons, and when I finally snapped out of it, I realized what I had done. Some of the cuts were seriously way to deep, and there was blood everywhere, I had gotten really close to the vein and I couldn't get it to stop bleeding, I was now in full panic mode.

I grabbed my phone and dialed the only person I knew who would respond, she had a class right now so I just prayed she would answer. On the second ring, "Carla, what's wrong," I heard her say, I responded, "I need you." and the phone feel to the floor, I huddled up in a ball on the bathroom floor and started crying more, what have I done? Why are the demons constantly winning, and why does God think I can do this. Then everything started going fuzzy.

Miranda POV

I was currently lecturing or should I say trying to lecture on the speech I had prepared today. When I called Carla on lunch she completely lost it. I know she's hurting, I'm not trying to be her mother, but damnit, can't she see I just care about her and want her to be safe. I know being alone right now is not a good thing for her. I knew why she took the rest of the week off, but it still scared the crap out of me. I was quickly shaken out of my thoughts when I heard my phone ring. "Carla, what's wrong." I said nothing even saying hello, I got a response that scared the hell out of me. "I need you." and I heard the phone hit the floor.

I grabbed my stuff and shot out of the room, I didn't even stop to tell anybody, I probably broke twenty driving rules, but I didn't care she needed me. Thankfully we had went to her house a couple of times before to get her clothes, so I knew where she lived. "Come on" I pushed the gas pedal down harder, this thing just wasn't going fast enough. I don't even think I let the car completely stop before I jumped out and ran inside. "CARLA" I screamed with no response.

I searched her room, "Come on where are you," I opened the bathroom door and my everything hit the floor. She was covered in blood, "Fuck", I dropped down to her and grabbed her wrist, I noticed she didn't hit the vein but the cuts were really deep. "Hold on baby, let me call for help." I started to get up but she grabbed me, "No, please don't" she said pulling me down to her, she snuggled her head into my lap.

"Carla, these cuts are deep, they might actually need stiches." I looked down at her and placed her face in my hands. "I won't let anything happen." She just shook her head, "They will think I'm crazy and try to send me somewhere, plus I don't need all these people knowing my business." She tried to get up, I could tell she had lost a lot of blood because she just fell back down. God why did she have to be so fucking stubborn.

"Well then we have to clean them up, since you want to be stubborn." I grabbed a clean cloth and got it wet I started cleaning her wounds, she didn't even flinch. This was the worse part to me when I would do this, I couldn't even stand it. I guess she saw the confused look in my face, "I like the clean up, it hurts like a son of a bitch yes, but I like the pain." Now my face was completely in shock. What the hell did I get myself into? I continued cleaning the wounds, and actually had to wrap some of them.

"Why", I asked while we were sitting on the couch. She just looked at me, "Because the demons won, they always win. I've ignored them for days, but today being in this house, they came back stronger than ever. Miranda, I'm sorry about snapping at you earlier, I just feel sometimes I need some space, not that I'm pushing you away."

"I know Carla, I've been there, I've been here and I promise you can defeat your demons. If being in this house is the problem, why don't you stay somewhere else.?" I asked. I was really hoping she would stay with me, but that would be way to soon.

"What do you mean you've been there, and this is my home. I have memories here, some are horrible, but I have more good memories in this home, but I need you to explain more about what you just said."

I took a deep breath, I have went back to this place in a while, "I was a teenager, my body was changing, I didn't have any parents, I was always at boarding school, so the teachers were more like parents to me then my own. I noticed early on I was more into girls then boys, and that confused the shit out of me. I confided in my best friend thinking it would be the right thing to do, the next morning at school everything changed, I went from little miss perfect and popular to the faggot in the school. The bullying got horrible, I was usually making my way back to my room with new cuts and bruises, I begged my dad to move me to a different school, but he wouldn't. So I found my escape in self-harm, I never used my arms though, it was always parts of my body I hated, so it was mostly on my stomach and upper thighs. My parents kept me plenty of money in account, so I was able to score drugs and alcohol whenever I wanted it. A specific teacher started noticing the changes and tried to help. At first I was rebellious, I didn't want help, I didn't want people to care. My grades started failing, I got kicked off the basketball team, and everything went straight to hell, but the teacher never gave up on me. Without her I would not be where I am today. I still struggle with my demons Carla, everybody does, but you can learn to cope in other ways."

"Holy shit, I would have never expected that, but I'm going to say something and I don't mean it in any bad way. If you are doing this because you feel sorry for me, please don't. I don't need sympathy." She said to me. "Carla, trust me I'm not here because I feel like I need to be, and god knows I never expected to like one of my students more than I should, I'm here because I want to be. I promise." I barely got the sentence out when her lips crashed on to mine. I eagerly kissed her back, ours tongues battling each other. The way she made me feel, the sensations she sent through my body are unexplainable. I know this is wrong, and I should have never crossed the boundaries of being more than her teacher, but I should be able to feel this way to. The kiss deepened quickly and she slid her hands down my sides, "Carla, trust me there's nothing more that I want then to make love to you, but you've had a rough day, and your emotions are out of control, let's just go back to my house." I said, Damn I wanted her bad but right now was not the time.

She looked at me shocked that I actually stopped her, "Your right, I know, but I wanted to take you on a date Saturday night, of course it won't be here will you go with me?" she asked.

My internal self ways jumping for joy, "Of course, I would love to." I said.

"Great, don't dress up wear jeans and boots, we will have to be on horseback for a little bit." Carla said. What horseback, shit what did I get myself into.