drugs; l.h

5.

"I don't want to be here." Ava said, scrunching the hair tie she had on her wrist. Luke said he liked her better with her hair down, so that's what she was going to do.

"Are you okay?" The counselor, she hadn't bothered to ask her name, had asked. The brunette haired girl looked up and raised her eyebrows while licking her lips.

"Yeah, I'm fine. You know, aside from being here and all."  she looked up at the women across from her as she wrote something down.

"How is everything?"

Ava groaned. "Everything is fan-fucking-tastic. What do you people think I'm in here for exactly?" She leaned forward and crossed her arms together.

"It says here that you have depression."

Ava scoffed. "Depression.." she mumbled, shaking her head. Of course that's what Luke put down.

"Only thing wrong with me is that I don't sleep and I listen to too much music."

"You have trouble sleeping at night? How many hours of sleep do you get?" The lady crossed her legs and leaned forward.

"Six."

"A night?"

"The past four days." The women had a strange look on her face, and Ava knew what it was. Sympathy. Exactly what she didn't want and why she didn't want to come.

"How's your home life? Family? Friends?" Ava stopped breathing for a split second at the mention of the word 'family', but she stopped herself.

"Great." She instantly replied, laughing after she said it. She didn't have either of those. Sure, she had Calum but he was more of a therapist than anything. Luke, well, she honestly didn't know what he was.

"What' about your parents? Don't you talk to them about this kind of stuff?" Angie, which she had read off her name tag, questioned.

"I would, but I haven't seen them for about three years." Ava counted in her head, remembering all the good times and how that changed so quickly.

"And why is that?" Angie asked, finally setting her notebook down, leaning forward like she cared.

"Their dead." Ava didn't want to say the rest, hopefully the women understood she didn't want to talk about it.

"I see.. Ever thought about visiting them?"

"No," Ave instantly replied. "No."

"Why not? Maybe talking to them would help out a bit. Tell them everything, all the good times and bad times since they've been gone. Fill them in with everything that's happened." Ava shook her head and sunk in her seat. This is stupid, she thought. This is so stupid.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I just-" Ava stopped herself. She didn't exactly know why, she just didn't want to. Something about going and visiting them after all these years of silence didn't feel right in her mind.

"I'm sure they would love to here from you," Angie said. Ava sighed.

"Their dead. I literally can't talk to them-"

The sarcastic side was coming out of her, like it always did when she didn't want to talk about how she felt.

"Yes you can. And you will. Cause I know you want to. Just go talk to them."

-----

"How'd it go?" Luke asked right as Ava got in the car. She barely laughed as he started the car.

"It was.. Interesting." The word slipped from her lips as she rolled the window down, debating on whether or not she actually did want to go see her parents.

"H-hey. Before you uh, drop me off at my place, do you mind taking me somewhere?" Ava asked, nervous. She couldn't believe she was doing this.

"Sure, where too?" She told him the place and he had a puzzled expression on, but didn't question her. If she really wanted him to know she would tell him herself. She rolled down her window and a gust of wind pushed her hair back, flinging it over her shoulders. She tugged her sleeves down, fingers instantly chilled. In five fast minutes, they were about a block away from the place.

"Could you drop me off here? Please?" Ava asked. She didn't want him watching her.

"Yeah of course. What time should I pick you up?" Considering she didn't have phone, she didn't even know what time it was. She never really did. Luke noticed her expression, and pulled his sleeve up and took off his watch. How'd he know? Ava had no idea.

"Here, it's three. Maybe an hour? Two?" Luke handed over his watch and she slowly took it from his ginormous, pale hands. Their hands brushed and she shivered, probably from the wind. Yeah, the wind.

"Um," she whispered. "An hour. I won't be that long... Hopefully." She mumbled the last part to herself and opened the door. She shut the door, trying not to slam it.

"Alright, I'll be back then. Oh, and Ave?" She turned around and raised her eyebrows.

"Good luck," he winked at her and pulled off the curb and into the empty road. She blushed and shook her head, focusing on the task that was supposed to be done.

"Oh god, okay. Breathe, just breathe. Okay," she started walking the unfamiliar but familiar old, crack stone trail to the place she has been only once. A couple years ago, after her parents had just died, she came down here. She sat against the stone wall for maybe two hours crying and debating on whether or not to go into the graveyard. And she never did.

She finally made it to her destination, and pushed the rusty old gate open, making a loud cracking noise as she did so, as if no one had been there in ages.

After a long two minutes of memorizing every single bump and curve of the place, she finally stepped onto stone and lifted herself up. She placed her feet on the small brick in the corner and hoisted herself onto a nearby branch. She tugged herself up and finally sat down on the branch overlooking the graveyard, her feet swaying back in forth. She did it. She had finally did it. She finally had enough courage to do it. But the real challenge was, could she face her parents grave stone without the same and horrifying guilt she had felt at their funeral?