My Friend The Asshole

Nineteen

I sat in the front seat of my dads Buick. Today had been the hardest day of my life watching my little brother getting put into the ground. Every fiber of my being wished that I could take his place. Sure he was a prick but I'm a bitch. He was young; too young. His whole life was in front of him and now we have to go on wondering what it'd be like with him. I have to wake up everyday with the pain of knowing I didn't get to say goodbye or sorry. He's gone and I'm slowly loosing myself.

"Sweetheart," my dad turned the radio down, "don't blame yourself. I know how you work, you're over there right now thinking maybe if you would have been a better sister or maybe if you would have apologized he would still be here. But that's not true. It wasn't anyone's fault. You can't beat yourself up over something you can control."

I swear that man can read my mind. Reaching over I gave his hand a sincere squeeze and nodded simply. Of course he was right, but of course I wasn't going to listen. I'm hard headed just like him.

"He still hasn't called me daddy."
I had to try and think about something else.

"Give it time. If he doesn't call he isn't worth it."

"I just really miss him. Growing up I never thought I was good enough to be with Colby but when we did get together I felt like a piece of me was found that I didn't even know was gone. Now my heart is shattered in tiny little pieces."

My dad sighed, "Your mother and I don't necessarily approve of you being with Colby, but I do approve of your happiness. You looked happy with him, always have. Don't worry. If things are meant to be he'll come back to you but, if not, someone will come along and hug you so tight those tiny little pieces will somehow get put back together. You never thought you could live with John but look at you, living and shit."

I chuckled as a tear slipped out of my eye, "Damn it old man! Why in the hell are you always right? And why weren't you a fucking writer?! You're deep!"

He shook his head, "I'm your dad, I'm always right."

My smile spread and I looked out the window. He was right, but Colby and I had something special, somehow things will work out. We just need to work things out and come to an understanding.

-

The back patio seemed to be where I spent most of my days here. The view was spectacular, the way the trees and sky collided made every moment a picture perfect one.

When Colby and I were little we didn't have time to stop to look at the sky, we were much too busy playing in the backyard we forgot to look at the little stuff. Somehow I felt this was a reflection on our life's today. I was so caught up in the big stuff I took the little things for granted. Now I don't have anything.

My phone is what brought me out of the thoughts, I answered it without even looking at the screen. "Who are you anymore?"

"Paige? What are you talking about?" I was confused by her question.

"You're my best friend but best friend don't lie to each other and they sure as hell tell them when they won't be back!"

I face palmed, "Paige I swear I was going to call you, but Gerard's funeral and everything that's been going on, I haven't found the time."

"You didn't tell me you knew AJ was pregnant, you let me set there and believe AJ didn't tell anyone when you knew. That's shitty! I'm sorry about your brother, don't get me wrong. But I think you need to figure out what you're doing with your life because sweetheart you're all screwed up."

Suddenly I started to offended, "My life isn't screwed up! People have rough times, Paige. Thing will get better and I hope you're there when they get better because I love you."

She was quiet for a moment, "I'm sorry, but you're screwed. You quit the best job you could ever had, you lost a damn good friend over a stupid white lie, and your boyfriend has a new girlfriend. Yeah, check Instagram! What would you call that?" I was silent trying to process what she had just said, "Just forget it Novalee. You're not you. My best friend would have apologized the second she thought she did something wrong, and now you don't think you've done anything wrong."

With that I sat with tears rolling down my face and a dead line. My heart was broken even more when I clicked on Instagram. I never really got on there much so I had followed many people.

The first photo that was on my screen was from Colby's account. He and in woman with long black hair and a lot of tattoos stood there, his arms wrapped around her from behind while his head buried in her neck.

Paige was right, my life is screwed. All over a couple of white lies.

An: good news! I had my surgery so I'm tumor free!!😊 I'm back and better than ever!

I had wrote half of this chapter before my surgery and it took me a while because I couldn't get motivated but I did it!

Thank you all for being patient with me, I love everyone of you!