Broken by Shadows

(8) Because

Why do I love you, you ask?

I ask myself that question every day since I mouthed the words and started to cry my fears. You cried too, I think. I can't say for sure.

You were something to me.

I must have fallen in love with you because you brought warmth to a world so cold, your name being exactly the signification of fire.

It was strange to me at first. I was almost dead inside and, by suffering from this thing we have, I started feeling something. Even pain felt good to me, coming from this.

I was dead and you revived me

Does it make it right then, for me to kill you? Settle the score?

You said you would be reborn. You said you wanted it. You said it would be the right thing to do. You fucking said it was the only thing that you had left to do here.

But that means you will go, leaving me behind.

I don't want to be lonely no more

So please, think about me too. What can I do?

-

A quick knock on the door woke me up.

"Mmmm-who the fuck", I mumbled.

"It's me, Chessy"

I know that voice all to well

I looked at Levis next to me, sleeping. There was nothing that could wake this dog up. Anyone could have come in and he would be sound-asleep. He was a good dog though.

"I'm coming in"

"Wha-How?", I mumbled again.

"I kinda made a copy to your key, hope you don't mind"

"What the fuck?", I said, jumping from my bed.

"Chessy?", he called again.

After he met with my brother at the hospital, he picked that nickname too, from my brother.

"Yes! Yes, I do fucking mind! And stop fucking calling me Chessy, only my brother calls me that! What is it?"

Only after I saw his surprised, yet curious eyes, I realized I was only dressed in a t-shirt and boxers.

I didn't mind anyway.

"I - just wanted to see if you were better. I do care for you, you know?", he said, irritated.

Shit.

No, he can't care for me

"You can't care for me", I bitterly said.

"What do you mean I can't? Of course I can, and I do"

"No, my life's too much of a mess right now, Leo, I can't involve you too"

"I'm involving myself", he raised his voice and put the bag he was carrying on the floor.

"No, you can't!", I yelled.

Seeing his surprised look, I felt a little guilty "I can't lose myself because of you too", I quietly said.

"I'm not asking you to lose yourself"

"But that's exactly what's happening, can't you see?!", I said, throwing the flower vase.

I never liked that vase anyway.

As his eyes got bigger, I got smaller, sinking in my despair.

Rushing to embrace me in his arms, he had a more careful tone saying "It's fine, you're fine"