The Journal (Phan)

Five

MY EDITING IS BEING WEIRD JUST SAYING

"My mum wants to know why you live alone" That was the first thing I said when Phil opened the door to his flat. Phil laughed slightly and let me in.

"You know Dan you continue to skip the first step of social interaction. Hello to you to" He said. He took my leather jacket off for me and hung it next to the door. Then he grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the couch.
"My mum lives elsewhere but I came to London for the studies" Phil said as we sat. I nodded and sat criss cross on the couch facing him.
"Oh. Do you see her often?" I asked. He scratched his jaw. "Not since I moved here. We video chat sometimes but that's about it" His eyes found mine. I nodded and he sighed.
"Anyway, I'm sorry about Troye today. Sometimes he forgets boundaries even if the boundaries seem like they weren't met. He just doesn't understand fragile creatures like yourself" Phil's voice was soft and calming. I chewed on the inside of my cheek.
"Fragile creature?" I asked. He nodded his head with a small blush. I didn't know he saw me as that weak.
"Not that you are....I mean I.... I'm sorry it was a bad choice of words" he sighed. He was beginning to seem frantic and I laughed lightly.
"It's alright, love" I smiled slightly. He sighed and giggled. He fiddled with his thumbs and looked around. I watched him as we sat in an awkward silence. His phone buzzed on the table infront of the couch. He jumped at the sudden noise and reached over, grabbing the phone. He read the screen and his eyebrows scrunched in a response to whatever was on the screen.

"Everything okay" I asked. He looked up at me and then back to his phone. Something seemed to be troubling him. He didn't respond to me and I chewed on the corner of my lips.

"Maybe I should come back another time" I started to get up. Phil quickly jumped to his feet and stopped me. I looked at him with more confusion. His eyes filled with sadness as they looked into mine. Seeing him so unhappy was weird. He was just always so enthusiastic. I'm not sure I liked the sad Phil.

"Don't go" He said. His voice was dripping with desperation. I nodded and squinted as I attempted to figure out what was going on. Phil literally rested all of his body weight onto me and if I was to step back he would fall. My arms were at my sides and I got the sudden instinct that I should be wrapping them around him. I ignored the feeling and let him just lean on me.

"Phil, love. Whats wrong" I asked. He sighed and I could have sworn I heard a sniffle. His arms were also at his sides. I was mentally cursing myself for being so awkward. "My goldfish died" He whined. I held back a laugh. To think that something so silly is what shot a hole through this poor boys heart.

"A goldfish? Phil are you serious? Thats so childish" I said. I instantly was mentally cursing myself again. Why am I so rude? "His name was Mr.Fishy" Phil sniffed. I felt tears actually soaking through my shirt. I placed a shaky hand on his back and patted it gently.
"It's alright Phil" I whispered. My legs were starting to get numb and I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep him standing. "Shall we sit" I said. He leaned away from me and literally face planted into the couch. I cringed when he moaned in pain. "Idiot" I laughed. He groaned in response.
"You are crying over a goldfish and I'm the fragile creature" I questioned. I sat down on the couch and he stayed face down. "It takes one to know one" He giggled a bit. Hearing his giggle instantly brought a smile to my face. He finally sat up and his eyes were red.
"Do you want to stuff our faces and watch chick flicks" I asked. He nodded continuously and his eyes were wide with innocence. I laughed and stood up. Phil followed behind me as we made our way to the kitchen. I wasn't sure where anything was and I suddenly felt aware of the awkwardness.

"Well what do you want" I scratched my arm nervously. Phil took over and started opening random cupboards. Even he seemed slightly confused and not sure where things were. I wonder how often he actually eats at home. Actually I wonder how often he even eats at all. That boy is pretty skinny.