A year has pasted by that I got to see my cousin Angel. That month was terrifying for what happened but I moved on from it and never wanted to see him again. This year was not going to be the best just for the stupid reasons that I have done threw out this year. I was a seventh grader just a regular girl who didn't really give a fuck about people opinions I was my own person until this one day were I had no idea what was wrong with me and I felt like cutting myself to take away my sadness that I supposedly had. I would always do it when I felt stressed out. One day I was in Mr. Holley classroom who is my math teacher. This boy name Julio sat right in front of me one day because Mr. Holley made assigned seats for all of us, he put Julio in front of me. Julio was that type of boy who was shy to talk but only would laugh or smile if something happened, the only people he would talk to was hid friends. He was wearing soccer sweats with a blue/ gray sweater with black vans. It was a Wednesday when Julio turned around to ask me I had a pencil.
"Hey Alondra, do you have any extra pencil I can barrow to take notes with." Julio asked.
I didn't know if I should give him one or not because I really didn't know him all I knew was that he had a brother name Sergio who I knew since sixth grade because I had all classes with him.
"Ummm yeah sure let me check." Alondra answered.
"Here you go."
"Thanks Alondra." He said with a smile going across his face.
I knew he looked at my arm when he asked if he can barrow a pencil. I was waiting for him to tell me something but at the same time I was relief that he did not because then it would be a rumor. He didn't know me well enough to even know why I did that but if he ever asked him I would tell him to keep it a secret because if everyone knew I would have to go see a councilor. A lot was going threw my mind after he looked at my arm, not even my closes friends knew about this only because I know they would be made at me. A few weeks passed by and Julio spoke up.
"Hey Alondra what happened to your arm?" Julio questioned.
Oh my lord here it was that moment that my heart was beating really fast and I was shaking. I did not know if I should tell him or not. I was just going to tell him that my cousin dog hurt me when I was playing with her. I stayed quiet for a few minutes.
"It's okay, you can tell me I'll keep it a secret."
I still didn't know what to do because I was in between yes and no.
"I got my reasons. Don't worry about it Julio." Alondra explained.
"Okay gosh I was just asking to see if you at least wanted to talk to someone about it." He added.
Aw man did I really just fuck this up with someone who really cared about me and was welling to hear me out. During the remaining classes that I just had I kept thinking about it so after school I saw him walking home I shouted him out and he came to me.
"Hey Julio here's my kik so we can talk later if you want." Alondra said.
"Okay thanks Alondra I'll text you around 5pm." Julio replied.
"Okay great."
I was so nervous that he would not want to take my kik so we can talk but when he did I was all good I have off all my negativity off of my shoulder. Once I got home I couldn't stop thinking and worry if he was really going to text me or not. But I didn't want to waste my time on a boy a barley knew so I did not mind. Later on almost around 8:30 pm he texted me. I didn't want to look desperate so I lagged on him a bit. After we started talking and he finally went to the question and my heart was beating heavily it was like my heart just wanted to run out of my chest.
"So why?" Julio questioned
"Why what." I answered him. Trying to make myself look stupid as I didn't know what he was talking about.
"Why all those cuts on your arm." Julio replied.
"I have my reasons..." I explained.
"Then tell them to me, help me understand why your doing this to yourself." Julio demanded.
I still didn't know if I should tell him or not.
"Well..."
"Well what?" Julio said.
"Well I just have my reasons and right now I just don't feel comfortable telling you right now ." I replied in a sad way only because I felt like I shouldn't yet unless I got to know him. So I changed the subject and pretended to forget about it. Furthermore as the night went on it was getting late and he had to go to sleep because we had school the next day. On the other hand that next came around and this girl she was name Shirley. She would be that time of girl that can pretend she can be your friend or best friend but actually isn't. She would always dress like she was a badass or said she was in a gang and she did not really give a fuck about school. I knew Shirley since I was in kindergarten. She was the meanest girl if you messed with her she would say shit about you that wasn't even true. She would always target me I have no clue why but she would and I didn't tell her nothing or do anything to her. Anyways Shirley was spreading rumors that I was supposedly a hoe but I wasn't. She would always start something with me. I would never get away from her and her bullshit lies that she would make. She was telling everyone that she wanted to fight me. I would always say that she wanted to fight she could've I had no problem too. I wasn't afraid of her at all she didn't bug me. During our lunch she came up to me and was telling me to stand up and her friends went to the corner had all their phones out ready to record the fight.
"Stand up!" Shirley demanded
"What the fuck I'm not you dog don't tell me what's to do." I said angrily
"Come on!"
"No why don't you make me since your the one who wants to fight!" I demanded.
She put her hair up like she was actually going to fight me. But I was relief that lunch was over and we did not have to fight because I wasn't in the mood to fight. She told me that she would be coming for me and well I said
"I'll be waiting for you so no worries." I said.
I was waiting for that moment that she was going to come near me and just swing at me but of course she didn't want too.
Furthermore, a few months has already pasted by and I got to know Julio a little bit more. So he went back to the question on why I did what I did. I was confident that I could tell him now. He was trustworthy enough to tell him what I'm doing.
"Do you still want to know why I did?" I asked
"Yeah I still want to know why." Julio asked
"Okay well...idk how to start it off." I said with a worry voice.
I really had a second thought about telling him and I didn't know.
"I'm sorry Julio I just can't right now. I want to but then I can't."
"Please Alondra please I'm begging you. You can trust me." Julio said.
But I just left him on read because I didn't know what to say back to him. I panicked and I just kept rereading the messages. I felt depressed because I didn't even tell him like I wanted to tell him.
Additionally, another few months has passed by and he saw my arm filled with cuts and their were freshly new cuts that I did threw out the week. He got upset with me because I still did not tell him why I've done it. Soon other people were noticing that I would have more and more each week. Finally, Julio texted me and said "why, why! Would you even think about doing that. It's so stupid that you can even think about doing that!" He said.
I knew he was very upset that I'm doing such a bad choose for my self. I wondered about it too, how will my kids react if their saw it. What happens during the summer if I want to wear shirts or shorts and I can't because I would show them. I really regret now on what I did.
Furthermore, three months went by fast and Julio forgot all about it and so did I. I was in a better place now I stopped and everything went back to normal. There were some people that knew about it and would make fun of me but I did not let that bother me. Even some of my friends made fun of me or just stopped hanging out with me because they did not want to hang out with a girl who tries to kill herself like that.
Later, two weeks went by day and night, over and over and finally I have been waiting so long for Julio to text me after he knew about what I did. I would always texts him but he would not text me back and finally he did.
"Hey Alondra..I miss texting you." Julio said.
"Hey." She said in the happiest way possible.
They continue their conversation until midnight. He was telling her something that I did not want to hear because I knew that it was going to be bad and that she wouldn't be able to handle it.
"Okay Alondra, I'll make you a deal. If you keep cutting yourself, I will cut myself twice." Julio demanded.
I knew he was trying to convince me on stopping and I got to say it was working.
"How about you let me do what I want and stay out of it." I said in a furious way.
He left me on read and he never replied. The next day came and he walked into math class and he sat in front of me. Turned around and he pulled up the sleeve of his sweater and showed me what he did. I was depressed that I caused him to do that because I didn't make the same deal. Everyday I would see him with new ones because I wouldn't stop.
Finally, I gave in and I texted him and told him I would stop if he stopped too. He read my text but did not answer until a hour after. He was relief that I texted him and told him I would stop. From that day on him and I would always ask to see each other arms to make sure that the both of us would stop and not lie to each other. I don't know why but I really liked the feeling that someone that was a total stranger to me became my friend and cared a lot about me. After I stopped everybody left me alone and he always had my back no matter what people would say. He was the sweetest boy compared to the other boys and he actually the only friend I had throughout that hard time that I went though. School was officially over and I would not see him until next year.
"I will miss you very much Alondra." Julio said in a sweet manful voice.
"Same to you too." I said with a smile going ear to ear.
And here it is summer time has officially arrived with the sun shining so bright the beautiful blue sky matching the wavy ocean. Now we are going to the eighth grade after this summer is over. I'm wondering what's going to happen once we enter eighth grade if there going to be less drama or more drama.
