Bermuda Triangle

I Haven't Done Much Healing

*NOW*

"What did you feel like was coming?" the news reporter asked me. The room we were sitting in became darker as he turned down the light upon my request.

"Something bad." I sighed.

"How bad?"

"Something that would shake our world."

"Like what?"

"I don't want to jump so far ahead but at the time I didn't know it could be a hundred of things and I still wouldn't had cared."

"Was it hard to transfer yourself to civilization again? Because dude you were gone for six years and another year locked away in a hospital. Having doctor after doctor running test after test on you. That's just crazy."

"Yes and no. Somethings are hard and somethings aren't. The hospital was a huge thing for me because these were not the same people I have been with for all these years. They were new and they poked me with things which now that I think about it were probably shots to calm me the fuck down. At the time I swear to God I thought they were trying to kill me because I don't know these people. I haven't been to a hospital in such a long time that it felt like being there was just going to kill me. I felt like they shouldn't have been there and I certainly didn't want to be there. I was terrified and I leased out. They had me on stuff that I can't even pronounce hell I can't even tell you half the shit they put me on. I can't even tell you what happened the first five months I was there I just remember little tiny parts. I remember leasing out a lot towards the doctors. I was psychotic and I was dangerous to the point they had me on lockdown for the first few months. They restrained me to beds, they had security at my door because I got out of everything they had me under. I have gotten out of straight jackets, cuffs, whatever they had me tied to the bed with. I was having a serious mental breakdown for a while that I couldn't keep up with myself and the doctors had to take a step back. The only thing they could do for me was to put me under heavy medication but no matter how high the dose was it soon even became worthless. I was crazy.. Those periods of time where I wasn't myself I was the man who was trapped on an island reliving each moment down to the real detail and he couldn't deal with it. He was scared because he knew it was real. He knew it happened he knew that the people he grew to love had died. All of them. Every one of them. And I that man died there too. Because I am not the man I used to be before I boarded that boat. I wish I could go back to be that person but I believe God himself would never be able to grant me that prayer because that man is non existent. You can't resurrect something that died long ago." His face showed that he honestly felt bad for me and I didn't want anyone to feel bad for me. "Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Feel bad for me. It something that actually happened to me and I came to terms with it long ago and it shouldn't be looked upon as something bad because not all of what happened there was bad. Sure a lot of it was but some of it was ok. The company I had. The friends I made were friends that I would have wanted if I was back here. They were good people they were nicer than people I have met here when I came back. Hell even Shay and Thomas as much as I hated them they cared for the ones they loved. They were straightforward but they cared. Hell I was sick to the point I couldn't breath one night and Shay sat there with me. All night long and all day. No questions asked. He had a temper but that temper was forced on him with years. The people I met here as I left the hospital waiting room are rude. I can't walk down the street without people moving their love ones to the side. They see me coming and they judge and they don't even know what I have been through. All people see is this burn that runs down my face. They think I'm a monster but they don't my story. You are the first person that actually knows some of the story. I choose to tell people what they can handle because they can't handle the things I have seen and what I have done. And I'm done with people looking at me like I'm something that should be locked away in a mental institution. I don't belong there. Haven't I been through enough already? I have been home for three weeks and people are already calling the cops on me because they don't what me as their neighbor because I look like this. I'm not rich I can't go through fancy plastic surgery to look normal and to be honest as much as I hate looking at myself I would never change because this is who I am now. And I was never known for changing who am I to fit the status quo. For all the shit I have been through I would rather embrace it then hide it and act like it never happened because where would that get me?.." I paused for a moment hopping he had something to say but he stayed slight. "By your silence I guess you don't have an answer so I'm going to answer it for you. It gets you nowhere. Absolutely no where. So don't feel bad this is who I am. Get over it."