Bermuda Triangle

Pray Like Dan

I lied Daniel in his little cradle and I searched Vega's suitcase looking for Dan's Bible I found it under some dirty tee shirts lying in the corner of some rocks. It was worn and a light dust of dirt lied on the top of the book. I could see all of the tears Vega shed for Dan as she was feeling alone. Each page wore different amounts of hurt but it was all hurt and despair of his non existent return. Some of the pages had been torn in some places. Blood droplets was formed on different pages.. Each page told a different story, a different feelings, a different person.. But each story, each page was one hell of a story. Each shared the same amount of pain and lost. Each page told a story of its own. Each told of love, miss, hope, and faith. Faith works in many different ways. I am in need of hope. Dan once told me that praying was all he needed to be a different man.

I sat and looked up at the stars.. I can never remember how to start a prayer.. It is always so awkward to ask for help when you feel like you have no hope left to even begin to talk. When you feel like all that room has been taken up by anger and self loathing.

"Dear God who art in Heaven... Remind me of what I can do.. I need to feel something that isn't grief. Something that isn't anger.. I want to be the man that isn't always looking around like he is afraid all of the time. I want to know why I am sitting here tonight and not at home getting ready for the morning news. Why me out of the billion of other people? Why am I the one that gets crapped on? How do I deserve that? How did Vega deserve it? Dan? Better yet how did a boy like Guthrie deserve death? Why couldn't you have send murders out here in the middle of nowhere? Why the good people? This world needs more people like Guthrie, Ellfie, Dan, and Vega.. Why kill people that were truly meant to change this world? I know, I can't pray for them to come back I know I can't but it would be nice for you to lift the pain off of my chest. As I am still here... It would be really nice.. I wish I could get some sleep and not be awaken by bad dreams."

I wish for a lot of things.. But I only wish that this was all just kind of a dream.

"I pray for my strength.. I pray to go as far as the light... I pray that I can stop looking back and start looking forward.. Please God I need you to help me.. Because I can't help myself. I don't know what else to do.. Please.. Please I beg of you..."

I sat listening to the crickets that prayed along side me, praying for their own salvation. I didn't know if my salvation was coming but I hoped that it did. I guess that is where faith comes in.. You pray when you got nothing left to give. "Amen.."

Amen was all I had left to say. I wiped my eyes and I leaned back into the dirt and I watched the rising sun.. My mama would have been so proud of me that I kept to my praying.. She is a very religious women.. Before and after she eats she says a prayer.. I wish I had her faith.. I envy it.. And I wish she would say a prayer to save me... I needed someone to save me because I can't do it myself.

Not anymore..

Long long time ago in another life I had this friend that never did let go. Pretty brown hair and her boyfriend too never gave up.. They died quite some time ago. One fell off of a cliff, the other died after giving birth to a baby boy. Those two saved me more times then I could count. They prayed every night for everyone's safety. They had faith.. I want their faith.. Maybe my new goal in life is to get faith like that. To stop blaming God for my decision of following Janice onto the boat. Maybe no one had control over that except for me.. The day I stop looking back I swear is the day I start moving on.. I want to move on.

I smiled as I remembered Dan praying for his strength he received it and I think I just received mine.

'I'm not ready to die yet Hunter but I was this morning. Sometimes a little praying is all it takes to be a different man.' I could still hear Dan's words rattle throughout my head.. It is trying so hard to break through the barriers I had formed. He is trying so hard to tell me it is ok to give up it doesn't show weakness or strength it just means you need help to get back on your feet. It means you need a hand on your back to guide you along. It means you need to sit your problems in God's hands and just watch what he does with them. These problems are only temporary it is not your entire life. 'Be brave Hunter.. Find your faith.. Live on.' Was what Dan used to tell me when I confide in him a few times where I was dancing in the shadows of something I didn't want to become. He always told me to live on all of this will be something that will make us stronger in the end.. This experience didn't have a chance to make Dan stronger. He never experienced it to the very end. That isn't fair. But I am still here experiencing it.. I must live on for all of us. I must be faithful and live on till I am dead and lying alone in the dirt.

When I need something to keep me going..

I must pray like Dan.