Blue Butterflies {BxB}

He's Dead

Connor and I sat in silence on the couch for some time before he decided we need something to do. "What are you thinking about?" He asked.

"That day on the bridge." I answered. "Do you remember it?"

"Yes, I do. That was the day we first met. You gave me your gloves and I asked you out to coffee." He took my hand in his and wrapped his other arm over my shoulders. "That was the day you brought me over to your apartment and you told me you liked me."

"And on that day," I continued, "I told you about my plans to jump off the bridge."

"But you didn't. Instead, I moved you into my apartment and we had our first kiss."

I smiled slightly at the memories I had of that day. I remembered how I brought Connor to my apartment and how we had out first kiss. Only, it was just our first kiss, but it was my first kiss.

"You know what I never told you about that day?" I asked.

Connor pressed his lips to my forehead. "What?"

"That was my first kiss."

He laughed. "I know." He said.

"How did you know that? I never told you."

"You were so frantic." Connor was smart. People never really had to tell him anything because by the time they did, he already had them figured out. "Plus you freaked out when I touched your thigh."

This time, I was the one who laughed. I remember I had no clue what I was doing and I was nervous. "I love you." I said.

"I love you, too." He replied. I tilted my head back and kissed Connor. He placed his hand on the back of my neck, pulling me closer.

Connor and I had been together for almost two years. In those two years, we had been through a lot. We fought, we broke up, and we saw each other at our lowest points. I remembered back to a time last year. We had just broken up and I had come over to return my key. I entered his living room and found Connor on his couch, hunched over, and crying.

"Connor?" I asked in shock when I found him.

"He's dead." He said. "My father's dead." He buried his face in his hands. I didn't know what to do, so I sat on the couch next to him, letting him know I was with him. Neither of us got sleep on that night. Instead, we sat on the couch and I listened to him recount as many memories of his dad as he could hoping it would help him feel better.

On that same night that Connor's dad died, Connor told me something I never expected ihim to say. "I wanna forget." He said.

"I know." I said, trying to calm his hysteria. I didn't really know what to do because it was usually Connor who took care of me. "It's hard to loose someon-"

"I need a distraction." He got up and started pacing around the living room.

"Um.. Okay. Do you want to go see a movie? Or grab some food?"

"No." He cried. He ran around his apartment as if he was looking for something. "I need something to keep me busy. Get all of this off my mind." He ran through the kitchen, bathroom, and his bedroom. Eventually, he returned to the living room. When he did, he grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to him. He looked at me as if he was unsure of his next move. I was gonna ask him a question, but I forgot it when he pressed his lips against mine. It was not his normal, soft kiss, but rather a more rough and rushed kiss. He pulled away and was breathing heavily.

"Connor." I said in a questioning tone.

"Help me forget." He pleaded.

"How?"

"Come with me." He grabbed my waist and pulled me into another rough kiss. He then led me to his bedroom, shutting the door behind us. Connor stepped forward and kissed me again. He push us backwards so that we fell onto the bed.

I now knew what he was planning to do, so I quickly stopped him. "Stop, Connor." I said, placing my hands on his chest to push him away.

"Why?" He questioned my actions.

"We can't do this." I sat up on the edge of the bed and he sat next to me. "Listen. You're upset, I understand that, but I don't want you to do something you're gonna regret later."

"It's fine. I've been with guys before." He placed his hand on my shoulder, but I quickly pushed it away.

"I haven't." Connor looked shocked. I guess he never figured this our about me or he was just too in the moment to even consider it. He started crying and say, "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"