Blue Butterflies {BxB}

Just Give Me Time

"Jamie." I heard a soft, soothing sound and I felt a light touch on my shoulder. "Jamie, time to get up."

I rolled over to find Connor smiling at me. I rubbed my eyes and looked at him. The morning sun that shone through the window caught deep in his brown hair. "What time is it?" I asked.

"9:30. I have breakfast in the living room." He walked out of the bedroom and closed the door. Reluctantly, I threw my blankets off and swung my legs of the edge of the bed. I ran my thumb over the scar I had from when I fell on some broken glass when I was a toddler. It was the one scar I had that wasn't from cutting. I didn't want to get out of bed and I didn't want to face the day, but still, I stood up to throw on a shirt, but I became dizzy with a pounding headache. I pushed through putting on a shirt and walked into the living room.

Connor was on the other side of the door, waiting for me. When I came out, he wrapped me in a hug. "Good morning." He said and kissed me. "Breakfast is on the table." We walked over to the couch. As we sat down, Connor handed me a plate of eggs and toast.

"I don't like eggs." I said.

"Give them to me and take my toast." I did. I was only able to get through two half a piece before I felt like I needed to throw up. I ran to the bathroom and hunched over the toilet.

I heard the bathroom door squeak indicating that someone was pushing it out of the way. "No. Go away." I said.

"I've seen worse." Connor sat on the edge of the bathtub and rubbed my back.

After I threw up three more times, Connor turned on the bath water. "You've got puke all over your clothes. Come here." I scooted over towards him, feeling to weak to stand up. Connor reached down to my waist and tugged on the hem of my shirt. I allowed him to pull it off. He then went to my pants, but I pushed his hands away. I felt like shit and didn't want him near me. "I need to take your pants off so I can wash them and so you can get in the bath."

"Get out. I'll do it myself." He sighed and walked out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

When he was gone, I pulled off my pajama pants and underwear and then proceeded to climb into the bathtub. I don't know how long I was in there, but I do remember throwing up once more when Connor came back into the bathroom. "Get o-" And I threw up again.

The rest of the morning was a blur. I somewhat remember Connor washing the puke off of me and getting me into the bed. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, I was brought back to reality. My headache was gone and I no longer had to throw up, though I did feel a bit weak.

I heard the TV was on in the living room, so I called out to Connor. The bedroom door opened and Connor was standing in the door way.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, walking over to the bed.

"Empty."

"Makes sense. You threw up everything you ate for the past week."

"Is that what happened?" I had no clear memory of what happened after I puked in the bath.

"Yeah. You refused to let me take your clothes off, even after you destroyed them. Then you wouldn't let me get you cleaned up, and when I finally got you dressed and in bed, you wouldn't let go of me."

"Come here." I held out an arm, asking him to get in bed with me and he did. He laid down next to me and covered us with the blanket. "I'm sorry I was such a mess."

"It's not your fault. People get sick." He said. "But I do want to ask you something." I looked up at his eyes. they were a nice blue. "Why were you so opposed to me seeing you without clothes on."

"You know why." I hoped he remembered that night I told him I had never been with anyone and all the ugly scars that covered my body. "Even I'm not comfortable seeing me naked."

"So what?"

"I don't have a good body." I confessed. He didn't take his eyes off of me. Instead, he raised his eyebrows, urging me to go on.

"Is that it?"

"Yeah." I hated my body. I was small, skinny, and clothes never fit me. I also had scars and ugly hair.

"What are you talking about? You have a perfect body."

"No I don't. I'm too small next to you. I'm super skinny and I have scars all over my body."

"I don't care about that." I looked at him. I had expected him to say that I was indeed really small compared to him, but he didn't. "I saw you in the bath this morning and I saw nothing wrong with your body. Of course, your scars are there, but it's a problem that were solving."

"I'm just not comfortable yet."

"That's okay, but I want you to be comfortable around me. I know that not everyone is comfortable with their bodies, but..."

I quickly changed the conversation. "I'm hungry." I grabbed his hand pulled him into the kitchen.

"Jamie." He was angry.

"Just give me time. Okay?"

"I'll give you all the time in the world. All you have to do is ask." I grabbed Connors face and kissed him.

"I just need time." He pulled me into a hug before allowing me to grab left over soup from the fridge.