Dear Dia— I mean journal, I am manly!
It was this fine morning that I came to the sudden realisation that if I were to stay in this city I would need a job. I would need to enslave myself to duties so that I can earn a humble living. I would need to get accustomed to...responsibilities. So, when I rose from my restless slumber (once again haunted by that magnificent red being), I went to seek the guidance of Potter and Fry.
Well, just Fry, considering that Potter was once again as high as the moon. "Yo! Spates! Are you McDonald's 'cuz I wanna take you out!" Of course, it was only after I consulted Fry did I realise that I was to endure one of his overly long monologues. "Ah, mon jeune garçon! You have come for my assistance! One day I..." Half an hour later, he recommended a publishing company I might want to apply for.
Alone, I walked into the lively city, keeping my eyes trained on where the sky and the buildings mingled. Though Fry only let me leave the house after he dressed me up in a potato jacket and tie. I admired the grandeur of it, still unfamiliar with the tall buildings that stood confidently, unlike my small farmhouse back at home. I then walked into the building and was greeted with the face of true beauty. The tomato.
She smiled at me, and said, "Hey! You're that new guy that moved into my building, right? Are you here for a job application?" I nodded shakily, enraptured by her slight Italian accent...which I now find excruciatingly idiotic I could have asked her out or something.
She passed me a few papers and told me to come back tomorrow for the interview, and I once again nodded and gave her a nervous wave. She smiled magically and turned back to her computer screen. It was only after I tore my gaze away from her wonderful frame and left the building that I realised she may have been a he.
-Spater McStarch
YOU ARE READING
The Diary of a Potato
RandomSpater McStarch was a normal potato, with a normal life, and a normal family. He was completely, utterly normal - in every sense of the word. Unfortunately for Spater, the world has bigger plans for the young potato who spent his entire life on a fa...
