Outside and Inside

Part 4

Darling Joel,

What would we do without Slovarek! He is being a real hero but I have to be so careful. Nobody knows about my letters to you but Emma. Nobody here would approve of me keeping in touch with someone that is 'inside'. You are all seen as the enemy now.

I know what you said, that you are prisoners, but how is that possible? How can they keep all of you there. I cannot let on about it anyway without giving you up. Out here we know nothing about Mortown now except that it has become a place to hate.

Emma has also been writing to Ben but I don't think that she has heard back from him. She is so sad and is in constant tears. The other outsiders try to stay away from her now, as if her despair is catching. I try to explain to her that she must hide what she is doing for her own sake. I don't think she listens to me though. Kate is being very brave and is the only one who can manage to make Emma smile. She only cries for her parents in her sleep.

Is there any way that you could get supplies out to us. I hate to ask as the thought of putting you in danger is terrifying but we are running dangerously low on both food and drink. I am sure that they are not starving you all as they are starving us.

We have now been inside four houses. They all share the same foul water, red and stinking, but I fear that if we don't find water somewhere soon we are going to be forced to drink it. The only river we have reached has also been red and smelly,the fish that lived there floating dead on the surface. Do you have any idea what has happened?

Old Mabel and Thomas both seem unwell. They have been staying inside the first house we came to but that has not stopped them from developing fevers. We can find plenty of wood to make a fire for them but they need to drink and eat good food if they are to recover and we can't provide either.

I try to tell myself that this is all a nightmare, that I will wake up to spend a day planning our future with you. I have lost my stick, my measure of the time we have been forced apart. I have looked and looked for it but it has been a few days and it will no longer mean anything.

I must hide this away now until Slovarek drives past again and can bring this to you.

Dream of me as I dream of you.

Yours for eternity, Amber.

***

Dearest Joel,

I still have the previous letter that I wrote to you. I am keeping it safely hidden. The supply truck came through but the driver was not Slovarek but someone I had never seen before. I considered approaching the truck but in the end caution won and I kept away.

You must have had similar thoughts as the truck did not slow when it left Mortown, again without slowing although I made sure that I was near the road just in case.

I am desperately disappointed not to have heard from you. Your words have become the reason that this daily struggle is still worthwhile. Your words are what make me believe that we will find each other again. How soon your letters have come to mean everything.

Do you think that Slovarek has been discovered helping us to stay in touch? I really hope that his kindness to us has not caused him any trouble.

Mabel and Thomas are not recovering. In spite of all our efforts they seem as bad if not worse. I spend a good bit of time tending to them, trying to make them as comfortable as possible. In reality there is little I can do for them apart from keeping the fire burning to hold back the cold.

Kate was accompanying me to the house but I thought it was not right for such a young girl to witness the sickness of others. She now goes foraging with Emma while I am here, or spends her time scouring the immediate area for anything that might burn. Emma is still sad but at least seems to make some effort around Kate.

It is the strangest thing but not only do the people seem to have disappeared but the wildlife that should surely be present just doesn't seem to be here either. There is hardly even a bird to be seen. The lack of wildlife is causing consternation to the hunting parties. They travel further and further but have found nothing apart from some sort of animal so deformed that we couldn't identify it. Now that the supplies we have found are running seriously low we are being forced to eat plants more and more, boiling leaves and roots in the river water mostly. They taste disgusting but it is that or nothing.

When I sleep I am plagued by the strangest dream. It is of Shara and you with a blonde haired baby girl. The three of you are standing just behind the wire, pointing and laughing at us as we slowly starve. I am almost glad that it is so rare for me to sleep long enough to dream.

As strange and as painful as it is to me the dream has made me notice that there is a lack of fair haired people out here. We all seem to have brown or black hair. It must be a coincidence but it does seem strange.

Please, Joel, write some words of love and encouragement to me. Tell me that my worries of Shara taking my place in your heart are nonsense. Reassure me that we will get back to each other soon because if I don't have that hope I have nothing at all.

Your ever loving, increasingly desperate Amber.