Outside and Inside

Part 5

My dearest Amber,

I have not had time to read both your letters thoroughly but listen to me - do not touch the water!

I don't know anything about it really but it sounds as though it is severely contaminated. You must find an alternative supply. I have noticed no problems with the water here; it certainly isn't discoloured or smelly. Were we not told years ago that our water came from a spring? Find it, Amber. Find it and try to tap into it. If you do not I fear that you will all die.

You will probably hate me for saying this but for the same reason you must stay away from Mabel and Thomas. It sounds harsh and cruel but you have no doctor, no medicine. If you became sick and died I would die too.

Shara has become a friend to me, but nothing more. I promise. She sometimes works in the kitchens with me and we talk to each other in any unguarded moments that we have. She is not your enemy. She has helped me to put together a package that I will try to convince Slovarek to take to you.

You do not need to worry that I am giving up on you and moving on. I will NEVER give up on you and we WILL find a way to be together again.

You are always first and foremost in my mind. The work here is hard and the guards are brutal, but none of this takes you from my thoughts.

yours forever, Joel.

***

Dear, dear Joel,

I can never thank you enough for the supplies Slovarek dropped from the truck. And that is what he really did, let the package fall as if accidentally and only I was near enough to see what really happened. We owe Slovarek so much!

The energy bars and drinks have helped us no end. If you meant for me to keep them just for myself and my family I am sorry. I could not keep them hidden while all around me people are suffering as much as I am. To eat something not leaf or plant was heavenly but in some ways has only served to remind us of just what we are missing.

I have been trying to find a way to get people searching for the spring but it is hard. I cannot tell my father of your suspicions. I cannot let him know that we are still in touch. He would most likely kill me as a traitor if he were to find out. As more time goes on and conditions become so much worse for us, the feelings against those of you inside are growing stronger.

Emma and I talk of you and Ben but only if there is no one else around to overhear us. I do not know of anyone else who speaks of those inside, even parents of children there or children of parents. Kate has stopped crying for her Mummy and Daddy, keeping her tears stored away until night time. At four years old she has learnt not to talk about Mortown.

By the time I received your letter, Thomas was dead. Mabel herself died not long after. Even if they were still alive I would have to have ignored your advice. I would have thought you would know me better than to think I would leave them to suffer alone. They deserved better than the shallow graves we were able to dig for them but it is impossible to go deep in to the earth without even a shovel.

The rain that has been falling has provided some relief to our thirst. It seems to be clean. There is no redness or smell to it so we have captured and stored as much of it as we could. I have even been able to clean some of the dirt from myself although soap and shampoo would have helped.

Do you remember how we used to walk in the rain? Do you remember how we used to splash each other whenever we were washing the dishes? How precious that water would be to me now.

Barry has returned from wherever he went but he is much changed. If we are all thin and filthy he is so much worse. Everyone has tried to speak to him but he will not say a word and makes it clear that he doesn't want company. He just hangs around keeping a distance to anyone else. I have seen him staring towards the barbed wire fence with a look of such intensity that it scares me.

Have you seen Ferdie? Can you understand what he did, or why? He has damaged the brother he used to be fond of so badly that I fear he will never recover.

I hate to think of you in a place that is ruled in such a brutal fashion as you lead me to believe. Is it really so bad in there? At least you have food, beds, heat.

Have you discovered who is in charge? It sounds so organised that it must be controlled by someone. The guards must be getting orders from someone inside Mortown or do you think that they are being controlled from somewhere outside? I have so many questions that need answering but have no one but you to ask.

Thank Shara for the help she gave you in sorting out the supplies. I still can't help feeling that she was doing so more for you than for us. She always had her eye on you and hated me for catching your heart first. I cannot help but feel jealous, even threatened by her close presence in your life while I am no longer there. I cannot help myself from worrying that my dreams will come true. I do try to believe in you, Joel, but sometimes it is so hard.

My mother is approaching so I am going to have to stop. She is not as full of hate as my father but she would not understand how I can still be so in love with you.

Love as always, Amber.

***

Dearest Amber,

I would give anything to be with you but I would not wish to swap places. We would still be apart then and I want that as little as you do. I would far rather be out there with you then at least we could struggle together.

I wanted to spare you from some of the harsh realities of life in Mortown now, but I can see that by doing so you are being led to believe that life is so much easier here. In some ways it is. We are fed and we do have beds, but the lower ranking people do not have heat. And all the inhabitants of Mortown are lower ranking unless they have become guards.

Most of our neighbours are suffering in here; most are horrified by what has happened and like us have no idea why. Ferdie, however, has become a guard. I only catch pieces of conversation here and there but I believe he was one of the first to join them.

I am glad the rain has brought you some relief but don't give up searching for the spring. There are some areas around the town that are only sparsely guarded. Someone will need to scout around the perimeter of the fence to find them though.

I am sorry to hear about Mabel and Thomas. I wish that you had not buried them though as I fear that will only contaminate any vegetation in the immediate area. Try to get food well away from the graves. Have there been any more cases of sickness? You do not say but I fear that there are bound to be more cases of it.

Don't think that I am a monster asking you to go against your natural urge to help but you are too precious to me for me not to try to keep you safe. You will put others before you, but I need you to survive.

We have put together another package for Slovarek to 'drop'. I don't know how often we will be able to do so though without arousing suspicions.

Do not concern yourself with your dream. There will never be anyone for me but you.

Eternally yours, Joel.