Outside and Inside

Part 3

Oh, Joel,

You cannot know how much those few lines of writing meant to me. I thought I had lost you forever.

Do you have any idea what happened? Why we were so cruelly torn apart? There has been no news here about the situation inside the town, although we cannot fail to notice that it is more like a fortress than a town now. Nobody knows our crime. Nobody knows why we have been picked out and sent in to exile outside. Nobody knows why you and so many others were let stay.

Who is behind all this? Do you even know? There seems to be a massive operation to keep us away. Emma has been taken from Ben and I can't think of a much gentler couple than them. She is trying but I can see the separation is tearing her apart.

Kate is starting to think of me as her big sister. She cries for her parents but she is too young to really understand that for some reason she has been found not fit to live with them any more. I hope she never finds this out. She won't hear it from me. Such a young girl should never have to feel that she is not good enough.

Barry has still not returned. There have been no sightings of him at all. I always thought that he and Ferdie were pretty close. They seemed to spend a lot of time in each others company and were always doing things together. I can't imagine what lies are being told about us to cause such a hostile reaction from Ferdie.

Are you safe? I have spent many hours worrying about what might be happening to you. Has your life changed much or are things pretty much carrying on as usual?

Sleeping under the stars is most definitely not romantic, especially with the weather getting colder and wetter. I told you how some of us were staying inside one of the deserted houses we found. Well, we have found more useful stores in a second house and are taking it in turns to spend a night inside. I get to spend one night every four under a roof.

I do not know if you would still love me if you could see me now. I think that I am more dirt than skin and the feel of my hair makes me shudder. There is something wrong with the water in the abandoned houses. It runs from the taps but is a dark rusty brown colour and smells appalling. After sixteen days the smell of us would probably warn of our approach although I don't think any of us notice it now. The water is so foul though that we will not even attempt to wash in it.

I want to get this to you quickly but I'll have to wait for Slovarek to appear again. I am desperate to hear from you. If there is any way for you to do it please send some sort of note back to me. I have to trust him so I think that you should too.

I wish there was a way that we could be together but I would not wish our existence out here on you. If I could just find out my crime and plead my case maybe I could get back inside there with you! There must be something I can do to put right whatever wrong I have done.

I miss you so, so much, Joel.

Your ever loving Amber.

***

My dearest Amber,

I was so, so pleased to receive your letters from Slovarek. Who ever thought that we would come to rely on him so much. I mean we knew him but he was never really what I would consider a friend. It seems that, as one of the few outsiders here, he is given freedom that is denied to all the original inhabitants of town.

It breaks my heart to think of you outside, with no shelter. I worry constantly about what dangers you may face. If I can find a way to I will join you but much as you are kept out we are kept inside.

There is a constant presence of armed guards here. I have recognised some of our neighbours among them but they don't behave like neighbours any more. I am sure that there is someone in control, that there is someone giving the orders. I have never seen this person or heard their name though and are as much in the dark about what is going on as you are.

Compared to yours my life is relatively comfortable. We have been assigned rooms, six people to each one, but they are only used for sleeping in. From the moment I get up to the moment I go to bed I am working at some task or other. I have been assigned to the kitchen and to waste management. It is only because of these assignments that I come in to contact with Slovarek at all so while I am one of the lowest of the low, I am glad of it.

Stay brave, my lovely Amber. What ever this madness is it cannot last forever and we will be back in each other's arms again.

Your ever loving Joel.