Outside and Inside

Part 9

Dear Joel,

I thought watching Barry being murdered was painful enough but it was nothing compared to watching the fate of Emma and Ben.

Who was worse, those inside or those outside? It was totally barbaric, sickening. I suppose those inside used a quick, cold and efficient way of finishing off Ben. At least he would not have suffered in the same way Emma did. I am ashamed to be associated with what became little more than a rabid mob. They set on her fleeing figure, punching, kicking, tearing.....I don't think I'll ever get her tormented screams out of my head.

And the women were as bad as the men. This existence has taken any compassion and humanity and crushed it in to a cruel selfishness. Nobody was going to allow Emma and Ben happiness when it is denied to themselves. I hate them! I hate the lot of them so much that I can't bear to look at them, speak to them, be anywhere near them.

Did Ben get a burial? They just left Emma's body out near the wire, mutilated and uncovered. When it got dark I made my way out there and half carried, half dragged Emma's body to a sheltered spot and covered her as best I could with a blanket and some leaves. It was the nearest to a proper burial that I could give to her.

Kate and I are spending our time away from the others now. We can manage to find our own roots and leaves and I have a pot to cook them in. Kate is wonderful at finding bits of branch and twigs so we are building our own little fire. The spring that I showed them, thanks to you, is more tricky. I won't go near it when any of the others are there, so I have to loiter around there waiting for my chance to collect our own water. We wrap ourselves together in our two blankets at night and we manage alone.

Joel, I think that Kate should live with us when we eventually get together again. She is so sweet and kind. I know you would love her as much as I do once you got to know her. She has become very attached to me as I have to her. And she has no one but me now even if her parents survive this thing.

I can't help worrying that Ben's and Emma's fate will be ours too. Where did so much hate come from? What caused our little town to turn against itself in such a way that justifies all these atrocities.

To think that last time I wrote to you I was worried about my father and Carl. They would probably slaughter me as a traitor if they ever discovered our correspondence. No doubt the same fate would be yours should you be discovered there.

What are we to do, Joel. I just can't give you up.

Your increasingly desperate, Amber.

***

Dear Amber,

Our whole world has gone mad. I felt the bullets as they hit Ben. He didn't deserve them. He wasn't even a traitor to the order here; he just wanted to be back with Emma. I did not witness Emma's fate but I can only imagine your horror at seeing such a thing happen to a woman who so recently was your friend. You should never have had to undergo something so painful.

I am not giving up. I will find a way out of here and maybe we'll set off and find another town to live in. One that has not been turned on itself. One in which we can live together as we should be able to here. Surely such a place still exists somewhere.

And of course Kate will come with us. She seems to look at you as a kind of mother and also a kind of sister. Perhaps she will come to see me as a father/brother figure. We will not abandon her anyway.

I do not believe that things are becoming any easier to escape from so I am just waiting for my chance. I do not think it will be long before we see each other again.

Yours in anticipation, Joel.

***

My dearest, dearest Joel,

Your last letter to me has got me so unsettled. I am constantly veering from excitement at seeing you and terror at what may become of us.

You are right though. We cannot wait much longer. You say that things have become more brutal there; they are so much worse here too. Those few who are not too sick are fighting with each other over anything. And sometimes it does end in death.

They look like wild animals and act like wild animals. I am forever watching over Kate, trying to keep her at safe distance from the others. We try to keep well away from them but sometimes I catch one of them looking our way and there is so much hatred in their eyes.....Even my father looks at me as though I am some sort of monster. I fear it will not be long before they turn on us and there is nowhere I can think of to hide away in.

Instead I will move us a bit further towards the wire. That way I will see you as soon as you make your move to break free. I know I shouldn't write this but could Slovarek get you out in the truck? Wouldn't that have more chance of success than you making a run for it?

Kate and I still seem to be escaping the sickness but there are very few others out here that do not appear to be in some way infected. That is another idea I had; waiting a few weeks until only Kate and I survived then trying to gain admittance back inside. Nobody could see us as a threat, surely. What do you think? Would we have more chance of getting in than you have of getting out?

Tell me what you think, Joel. I'm more than willing to give it a go just to be back with you.

Yours in anticipation, Amber.