Outside and Inside

Part 2

Dear Joel,

What is happening inside our town? We can see them erecting barricades. We can see the fences of viciously sharp barbed wire being placed across any remaining gaps. These people that are doing this won't even look at us. These people that were once our neighbours will not lift their heads to look us in the eyes. Do they feel no shame at betraying us, at obeying orders that keep their own friends, neighbours and families away from their rightful homes.

Barry Welch, you remember him from school I'm sure, recognised one of the men as his brother Ferdie. He called to him and got no response, so he approached him. He was yelled at to get away, called words I would not repeat to you or anyone else. Spat at! And this by his own brother? He has gone off on his own. No one has seen him since.

What madness has turned Ferdie against his own brother? They always seemed to be pretty close as far as brothers go. Is there some kind of mind disease loose in our town? Some kind of mass insanity?

Are they even going to send out food to us? I know that there are supplies being taken inside. I have seen the vehicles. I can't help resenting the fact that you are inside, being fed, being housed, while I am out here almost starving. If you really loved me as much as you claimed you would have surely found a way to let me back inside! Don't you love me any more? Have they poisoned your mind as they have done Ferdie's?

I'm sorry Joel. I should not think such things, let alone write them. I don't doubt you. Not really. I just need to see you so much and I just don't know how I can make it happen. And I am so scared.

Ten days! Ten days since we last saw each other. I think that is the longest time that we have been apart since we first found each other.

Please be thinking of me too. I can't bear the thought that you might not miss me. That already I no longer exist in your mind.

Your ever loving, increasingly desperate Amber.

***

Dear Joel,

Please excuse the tatty paper. Emma Hayton saw me writing last time and tried to take my notebook away. Her husband Ben is inside the town with you somewhere. She wanted the notebook for herself and was quite nasty about it. Mum has been trying to clean the scratch on my face that I got in the struggle. We have no antiseptic or anything so she has been boiling water to bathe it with and it feels like it is getting better.

Anyway, I went and found Emma three days after and gave her five sheets of my precious paper. She was so sorry for what she had done. She hugged me and wept and I told her not to worry. I said that I would have probably done the same to her for a chance to write to you. I am not the only one whose heart is torn apart.

Do you remember Slovarek? He was in the class above us in school and we'd quite often see him at the café. He is driving one of the supply vehicles! I saw him yesterday. I am going to find a way of asking him to take my letters to you. Maybe, just maybe, you could send some sort of message back to me? If you could just let me know that you have not given up on me!

It is now over two weeks since we were forced out of the town. 15 days to be exact. I have not missed marking one sunrise on my stick so far. I scratch a notch each morning when I wake up apart from you!

People are getting angry now. The confusion has not gone as we still have no answers to why it happened, why we were exiled. But there is a tension in the air of anger that is going to break loose, especially around the younger men who have taken to gathering in groups. I am very worried of what they might do.

We have at least found some food and blankets. There are a few houses scattered around out here, all deserted, and we have gained access to one of them and helped ourselves to whatever we could use. Some of our older members have stayed in the house as it is really not too far from our makeshift camp.

Are you ashamed of me? That I have turned out to be little more than a thief when the need arose, helping myself to someone else's possessions without their permission. I am ashamed of myself! But it is not my fault. Whoever you are being governed by, the fault lies with them. They have treated us as animals and now we are going to have to behave like them until we can find a way of going back home.

My biggest fear, Joel, is that you have forgotten me now that I am no longer present in your life. I know we always said that we were soul-mates, that nothing would come between us. But that seems to have been in another life

And Shara is not with us so she must still be inside with you. I know she has had her eyes on you almost since the day we met. I can't imagine her being shy over offering you attention and one of my most frequent nightmares is of you seeking comfort in her arms.

Please, Joel, I beg you! Don't give up on us.

Your increasingly desperate Amber.

***

Dear, dear Amber,

Don't ever think that I have forgotten you. I am just so glad to know that you are alive.

I have no time to write now. Slovarek has given me your letters that I have hastily hidden in my pocket. These few lines are all I can send to tell you that you are still and always my soulmate and other half.

We will find a way to be together.

Love forever, Joel.