Locked Away (Ianthony)

Chapter 18 *Anthony*

As soon as I sat down, my phone rang. It was the hospital. "Hello?" I answered softly.

"Mr. Padilla?"

"Yes," I responded. "This is him."

"This is Dr. Meredith at Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital. I am to understand that your husband, Ian Andrew Hecox is here?"

I swallowed back tears and let out a deep sigh. "Yes, yes he is... Is he okay?" The doctor took a deep breath before responding.

"You just need to get to the hospital... We need your written consent to some things."

I froze, slowly rising from the sofa. "What things do you need my written consent for?" I asked running downstairs to get my jacket and keys. As I was heading out the door, I saw an envelope.

"We'll disclose the information upon your arrival, but Mr. Hecox has lost a lo-" I had hung up, bending down to pick up the envelope. It had Ian's handwriting on it.

I'm So Sorry, ~Ian

I grabbed it and my keys and rushed outside. I got into the car and sighed, starting it up. As I did that, I opened up the letter. As I began reading, gray clouds started to cover the sun.

Anthony,

Let me just say, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for whatever made you hate me. I'm sorry for thinking that I could be with you. I'm sorry that I loved you with all of my heart. And with loving you with all of my heart, I trusted you to hold it and keep it protected for the rest of your life. That's what we took the vows for right? We also said "until death do us part". No one clarified the form of death.

I've loved you since we were in high school Anthony... Not many people last this long. We dated in high school for like a week. You left and said "I'm not gay". You came back to me toward senior year and said "I'm bi, and I know I love you". You left me in college because "college years are for hard work and lots of play". You came back to me, saying "you're a drug I don't want to quit". You hid me from everyone because you wanted to go back to the days where you were 100% straight and free. Free from having to love a piece of shit like me. I was your charity case, Anthony. Apparently, I'm not the only drug you didn't want to quit. You didn't want to quit heroin, meth, cocaine, marijuana, ecstasy, LSD, vodka, whiskey or tequila either... The most painful one to witness you continue? Abuse and Infidelity. I trusted you. I loved you. I cared for you. And you broke that. I gave you me. I gave you Ian. I gave you the best I could give and you broke it. When I look into Hailie's eyes, I see me. Someone who let every guard they kept up down for one person who didn't even give a damn. I see someone who keeps going back, begging for change. I see someone who cries at night. I see someone who prays to any deity that will fulfill their wishes. I see someone who died inside and someone who wants their body to match their soul. I can't wake up one more day, wanting to beg you to see me, yet beat your ass for the hell you've sent me to. I can't sit and see you use those drugs one more day, saying "I can quit at any time" and living in fear of what you'd do to Hailie or me. I can't sit and look at you, waiting for you to snap. I can't look into your eyes and remember everything I tried to forget and feel my chest physically hurt with all the pain. All the physical, emotional and mental pain.

You needed help. And you refused to be strong. But I can't blame you. Because you were my drug. And you were a drug harder to quit than anything you used and abused. Wow, I was a drug too. You used and abused me until there was nothing left. With this, I leave this world behind. I'm sorry for what I did. And even though I'm gone, I still fucking love you.