Recovery (Conor Maynard AU)

Chapter Five|Love

(Edited ! Feel free to read !) (Song of the chapter -"R U Crazy" by Conor Maynard)

The next day I was sitting on a bench with Grace and Nathan nearby our schools' sports field. There was a group of boys playing football and we were sitting there watching them. Well to be more specific - I was watching them. Nathan had no interest whatsoever, of course , and Grace was not allowed to look at them because Nathan was jealous. He had told her to look at him instead of those ... - not gonna repeat what he said. It was obviously rude and really inappropriate. Thankfully I didn't have an over protective and possessive boyfriend, who prevented me from checking out boys or let alone looking at them. I never thought, that don't having a boyfriend would have advantages but how you guys can see it clearly has at least a couple. Poor Grace was trying to control her eyes by looking at her hands to not accidentally glance up, while I was freely watching. How could she even obey ? I would have looked anyway.

"Nathan" I spoke up, not taking my eyes away from the boys, "The poor girl. Let her look wherever she wants to look. It's not like she is going to run up to one of them and jump on him." I turned my head to look at him and found him glaring at me and then shooting Grace a glare too afterwards, as if Grace had secretly nudged me to make me say that. Idiot. I punched him in the arm and he yelped, clutching on it. Grace laughed and gave me a high-five.

"Grace keep your eyes on your hands before I am going to murder one of those-"

"Shut up ! Don't you ever repeat what you've said !" I instantly cut him off. What a gentleman he is; cursing whilst two girls are with him. This is a huge turn-off if you ask for my opinion. But this is Nathan and Grave for you. Both super jealous beings. It is funny to say the least, but also very annoying at times.

"Ugh Nathan !" Grace huffed, letting her eyes fall onto her hands again. I admire how obedient she is. I would have not cared what he said and would have looked anyway. Cannot deal with jealous boys. He would be allowed to leave if he couldn't handle me watching a football game where obviously are men. Just saying. But who am I to talk about relationships when I have never been in a proper one, right ? I continued following the ball fly across the field with my eyes. I heard some girls chattering and turned my head in the direction where the voices came from. Soon enough I spotted the Cheerleader-group walking over to the corner of the field with their pom-poms in their hands and super short skirts and sport bras. All the boys' attention was all of the sudden on the walking by girls. Their eyes soaking in every single detail of the girls' bodies, lingering at their asses for a few longer seconds before they slid down to their legs and up to their breasts again; the whole process repeating. Ew. It was just disgusting to see how pathetic boys just were when it came to bare skin. They were worse than hormonal teenagers, but that was what they were after all. I would not want a boy to be looking behind me like they just did and I am pretty positive most girls wouldn't want that to. I did have a dignity and I was planning on keeping it. The cute boys no longer appeared attractive to me after I had seen the pervert looks they gave the girls and dropped my own gaze on my hands. Now I was bored. There was nothing else to keep me entertained anymore.

"I am bored" I announced and Nathan's response was a shrug. I huffed and leaned back, looking up at the sky. The sky was a beautiful shade of blue only covered by a few clouds, letting most of the sunshine through. I zoned out momentarily, not a single thought on my mind. These rare short moments were gold to me. It felt so good to not think about anything even if it's for a few seconds. Especially if you happen to be a mentally ill girl, who was stuck in a depression. No wonders. Slowly but surely my brain snapped out of the peacefully little moment I was having and shot back all of the thoughts on my mind with a painful force. My hands were formed to fists and I found myself clenching them. I tried to calm myself and prevent a panic attack, but it felt impossible to calm down for a second. Eventually I managed to unclench my fists and let my muscles loosen up and relax, as I took in deep breaths and shut my eyes close. Soon enough it was over and I was back to my normal state. This process is something I am used to. It happens once in a while and it's nothing major really, but sometimes it's a lot harder to control myself. The times were I couldn't control myself were in the first few months after my dad's death. I had learned to handle them with time and nowadays I am able to keep myself from having a panic attack. You can't really effort to get all panic-struck around people when they already are convinced that you're insane and should be held in a cage. That's something I learned all to quick. I was lost in my own world until a certain voice yanked me back to reality. Conor's voice. My head shot up, reminding me of the day before were Conor was all of the sudden standing in front of me in the cafeteria. How odd it may sound, his eyes were already on me when my eyes met his. He looked away from me instantly, focusing on the blonde girl right next to him, who was holding his hand,their fingers intertwined. Ashley shot me a glare before she pulled Conor to the bench on the opposite of us. They sat down and started to talk. I wanted to look away so bad but somehow I couldn't. My eyes were fixated on them and I did not even try to hide the fact that I was openly staring at them. I knew I would regret that later on but at that moment I simply just didn't care. I was fascinated how happy Ashley looked when Conor looked at her. I had never seen her smiling a genuine smile. Never ! I knew all her facial expression. The one when she was mad, when she was amused, when she had a freshly sweet plan in her mind, when she was annoyed or confused. But never did I see her happy face. She honestly seemed so so happy. It shocked me. When Conor smiled at something she had said, Ashley's eyes literally sparkled and she adoringly looked at him. Wow, she really must love him a lot. Ashley the cold, mean b*tch was head over heels in love with the boy right next to her. That realization made my face go a few shades paler than normal. They have been together for three years now from what I heard. So this had to mean something, right ? They must be madly in love with each other. I couldn't believe it at first but eventually it settled down in my gut. Who would have believed that Ms. Popular would have such emotional sides. Who would have thought that she could genuinely love someone. Well, she's a human after all. I think,I forget that a lot. You can't really blame me for it though. I mean what do you expect from me when I have always thought the same way about her since I stepped a foot into this school, huh ? Exactly.