Recovery (Conor Maynard AU)

Chapter Seventeen|Passing notes & pushing buttons

(Edited ! Feel free to read) ~Song of the chapter "Cry Baby" by The Neighbourhood because I just simply love them and this song is very good.

Two weeks had gone by and I hadn't spoken a word to Conor ever since. Grace and I were friends again though, so I felt like I at least had to pretend that Conor's absence in my life wasn't that of a big deal. And it really wasn't. I was not crying after him or constantly thinking about him. There was just this hollow feeling inside of me. Whenever I saw him in school, I would curiously glance at him. He wasn't acting the same. Ashley's friends, he never liked, were always with him and Ashley was practically glued to his side. Ever since she saw me in her house, she had been oddly attached to Conor - very clingy to be exact. I had come to the conclusion that she had serious issues in her head after she yelled at me at the graveyard.

To this day I was wondering which family member of her had died. She seemed to be deeply upset that day. But then again, why should I care ? Ashley would never change. I actually grew to believe that she was mentally not able to.

After the visit at the graveyard my life had positively changed. To talk with my dad felt refreshing. It gave me just the right amount of boost to keep me going. It had been two weeks ever since that visit and I was eager to go talk to him again. Talking to my dad felt like lifting all the weight on my shoulders. The feeling of relief washed over me. When I talked with my dad, I realized that no matter what happens in my life nothing will be compared to the pain that his loss caused me. So what if Conor didn't talk to me any more ? It was his choice. I could recover from that. So what if Ashley was hell bound on making my life miserable ? I wouldn't let her.

I did wish things would have gone differently, but there was nothing I could do to change the past. Neither did Conor seem to be wanting to talk to me. He actually seemed to be quite happy with how things had turned out.

Biology classes were still awkward as hell. It felt weird to just sit next to him and have to avoid glancing at him. When the teacher wanted us to work with our partners, none of us made any efforts to talk to the other. We just sat in silence and did the tasks each on our own. When our elbows accidentally touched, both of us abruptly pulled our arms back. But with time I got used to the routine. It was all just about making sure that the border between us wasn't being trespassed. He stayed on his side and I stayed on mine.

The only thing I couldn't get used to was my jealousy. Whenever Ashley even merely touched his arm, I felt my throat knotting. My instinctive reaction annoyed me to say the least, but no power within me was strong enough to stop that jealousy to rise whenever my eyes landed on their entwined bodies. Grace knew that too. It was no surprise as well. I just couldn't help that my eyes lingered on them for a couple longer seconds. It was hard to tear my eyes away, when I so badly wanted to be in Ashley's position one too many times a day. But life was going on and most importantly - it was going on without Conor and I needed to keep that in mind.

Again I was heading to Biology class. I hadn't seen Conor nor Ashley in the morning, for which I was very thankful. Deep inside of me I hoped that they wouldn't be attending class, so that I could actually pay attention instead of only pretending to.

Once I was seated in my usual spot, I went through the notes I had attempted on taking last lesson. Quickly coming to the realization that they weren't really making sense, I stopped my little attempt on doing a short revision. I wasn't going to raise my hand anyway, so why bother ?

The room filled pretty quickly, leaving no time for me to zone off and clear my mind. Chattering filled the silence and the inner peace I was in search of disappeared into thin air.

Soon enough Ashley's bitch of a friend came into the room, chewing gum like a brat. Ashley didn't come following her though, so I wasn't yet that annoyed. When a couple more minutes passed by and she still didn't come walking into the room hand in hand with Conor, I actually felt like I might be lucky for once in my life. But then the door did open and a certain blue eyed boy appeared in the door frame. His eyes met mine for a second, before he quickly adverted his gaze elsewhere. Heaving an inaudible sigh to myself, I pressed my lips into a thin line and waited for that annoying voice to silence the whole room. But the annoying voice never entered my ears, making me raise my gaze again. It was only Conor. No Ashley.