Theirs More 2 My Lyfe Then You Think You May Know

chapter2

You couldn't tell my mother that she couldn't drink cause she was going to do it anyways.so when ever she would drink I would just leave until she drinked herself to sleep.but I would always come and check on her and things like that to make sure shes ok.and that's when my child really begined for me.

I was molested

I remeber one day my mother was so late picking me up for school and I remember thinking to myself like really mom how can you forget that in at school and you have to come get me.me-so I sit and sit awaitting on my mom but she never showed up.instead cecil showed up,he was a friend of the family. so when I saw him,the teacher asks me do I know who he is,yes I do,hes a friend of the family,but my mommy calls him her son.

So once I told him who he was, they let me leave with him.so as where leaving,cecil talking to me and I asked him where is my mom and he said she had somethings to do and take care of so she'll be back later so I said oh ok.

when I got home I went to my room and closed my door and left cecil in the leaving room.few minutes later he was knocking on my door and then he came in and was like your ok do u need help with ur home work or anyhing and I was like no I got it I'm good.then he sat on my bed and started talking to me so I moved to the window and he was steady talking and then after he for up he then closed my window curtins he said it was to much sunlight so it was dark.so I got up and went in the living room and started walking to the kitchen window to see if my mom was some where near by or on her way home or something cause I was feeling uncompable with just him in the house with me so when I came back in my room he got up and left and went back in the living room so I closed my door again and turned y light on in my room. I don't know why but for some reason he came back in my room and started talking to me again and started making little jokes here and there and what I thought was playing me begin to turn into sexual touches.it was like one minute we laughing and the next he got his hands on me that's when I got up and left my room.
But he came to where I was again and this time he kissed me and when he kissed me I knew something wasn't right with this cause I knew this wasn't something that I was supposed to be doing. then cecil started touching and rubbing on me and I was scared to say something or even tell anybody so I just kept it to my self.

I thought it was going to be maybe just that one time and he would never do it again.but it was like every time he could catch me alone or get me alone he would have me doing things that I knew I wasn't suppose to be doing he would stick his finger in me
and have me put my mouth on his private place and the more it went on the more he kept coming back for me.

I remember every place he had me do something for it.it was at night he was supposed to be going to the store but instead he took me to the basketball court on the side of it where nobody could see us and he pulled out his private part and told me to get down and suck on his private part and I just need what he asked me to do.
another time was when I spilled got cholocate on me and had to come up stairs to change my cloths and my nephew was left with him.so I asked him where is my mother and sister at and he said they went out to handle business together so I grabbed so cloths and went in the bathroom to change and I couldn't lock the door cause there was no lock on the door so I just tryed to hurry up and change and that when he came in the bathroom.and started doing what he normally does to me and I tryed to leave but he wouldn't not til I he was some with me.
I remember one night I was at my sister's house and I was going to bed and he sneaked out of the room to where my sister was and came in the room I was and tryed to get to me again.but when I heard the bed squeaked I turned over and saw him and then I said get out and that when my sister came in the room and was like why is you in here and he lied and said that he lost something so my sister said well look for it in the morning and that next morning he never went back in the room to look for it.so he tryed something else and his plan worked.he waited for me to take a shower and told my sister that he had to use the shower and she let him come in there and he used it but he always was looking at me as well then he left the bathroom like nothing.so from age 8 and to 10 he was in control of me but when ever I came back to jeresey was a waitting with a plan in action to take off and I was left with these nightmares and nasty images.

I felt dirty and disgusting with my self I didn't feel safe and at that point I wanted to kill myself. You always hear about how kids get raped or molested and I never thought I would be one of those kids.but I was and now I'm scared for life.for the most part of my life I didn't trust men I could tell myself I'm never gone have sex or be with a boy or anything of that nature.because of what happen to me.