Theirs More 2 My Lyfe Then You Think You May Know

moving alway

When it came time for me to leave my old life and leave the only family and friends that I knew.i felt devastated I couldn't believe it was really happening to me like I'm really leaving and nobody going to do anything to keep me not even one of my sisters. I thought to myself just maybe my God mother would send for me or maybe my brother will come through the door and say no your not taking her.imma take her .but man was I wrong nobody showed up.but to top it all off I was leaving with a complete stranger who I didn't even know n then I found out a bomb shell that she's actually my sister and from there that's when life hitted hard for me cause not only was I leaving the only place I knew but I was leaving everybody that I loved too. It was like once my mom went to jail I knew my life would change. And it even got worser once my sister passed alway it was like everything was falling apart and I felt like there was no reason for me to live anymore.i felt like I kept getting knocked down every step of the way and there wasn't anything that I could do.i was losing my mind I couldn't focuse anymore. I didn't want to see nobody or talk to nobody no nothing.i just wanted to be left alone n left to die since half of me had already died.

Moving alway and leaving new Jersey yeah I was kinds upset and mad and scared to go.  but in a way im kind of happy  cause now Cecil couldn't hurt me or try to hurt me nomore and can't touch me or make me do things that I don't wanna do any more, so that was a good thing and i was now safe from him.but there was still a problem what about my sisters and my mom. I didn't want to be alway from her. But my mom thought it was best for me to be with trena at the time.

I knew it wasn't going to be easy for me  to adjust to a new environment that fast. But I wanted to just wanted to hide and be alone where nobody would brother me or anything like that, and I know it couldn't stay like that forever. I know there was going to come a time where people wanted to know who I was and everything. But I wasn't expecting it so soon thought. i wasn't looking to be introduced to the rest my family so soon and it was like everything was claiming down for me for a while. Until one day I'm at the babysitters house and the lady who was watching me decides to introduce me to  my mother sister Shirley,and when I say they looked so alike that I mistake her for my mother and started crying cause I thought somebody was playing a joke on me like haha your mom isn't really locked up she right here.but it really was my mother sister and not my mom and that's the day that it hit me when I met my mother sister.
It was like ok trisha your mom really isn't coming back for a long time and this is your new home down here in virgina.new Jersey is no longer your home,and the women who you have been talking to on the phone is your sister who you had no idea about and this is your life now.

all  of these things where happening to me.they wasn't happening to nobody else.but it was like my mind just kept going back to my mother.that's all I could think about then,was my mother who was locked up and how i felt like now,I don't have my mother in my life cause she's behide bars. This isn't fair how come everyone else gets to see there mom but not me. Then I started feeling like maybe mom had forgot about me cause I wasn't getting any letters from her or anything. I was missing my mom I was writing her and everything but I wasn't getting nothing back from her. Once I got a section age that's when my sister had a talk with me and then she went in her room and pulled out like this shoe box and inside of the box was all of these letters that my mom had written me and my sister told me that the only reason why she didn't give me the letters is because I was too young at the time and I wouldn't understand the letters and In some of the letters my mom said some hurtful things in the letter about my sister feefee and she didn't think that I should have the letters when I was young. But I'm glad that she did give me the letters because that let me know that she didn't forget about me and that she did care and was writing to me. But when I was reading some of the letters I cried because I was so far always from my mom and I felt like I would never see her again. I was starting to see life in a whole another way, like there would be no more birthdays, Christmas, no nothing no more with my mom.

I hated going to new Jersey visiting my mother in jail I hated the fact that I couldn't stay with her.  I couldn't see her everyday it killed me more when visiting time was up and having to leave her. I cried and cried and cried I left like every time I had to leave.i was the one being tooken alway from mother. There would be times when my mom would say don't you cry but every time I had to leave I couldn't be strong like she was being for me. Seeing her in there having to wear a jail suit didn't look good on her. I didn't like visiting her like that. I didn't like knowing that my mother was a murder and I was one of those kids that this had happen too. I didn't want this to be my life. This was a nightmare that had came true. It killed me inside and out. I had to learn how to deal with not only my sisters death. But my mother being alway from me and her being locked up and then me being molested by my sister boyfriend at the time. It was a lot that I had to deal with and it was lot for me to handle.