After the day everything fell.
I cried myself to sleep for hours.
I don't know if I actually slept.
But I continued to say I did the best.
When morning came, before the sun rose, I was on a plane in the sky.
I was leaving and not thinking, because how could I stay in a place so gray?
I came to the beach, for the first time I should say.
I always thought it'd be calming, but I will never think the same.
Instead, it was itchy and covered in sand that I understood was sticking with me, because even with hundreds of people around, I have never been so lonely.
I swam out as far as I could all on my own, secretly hoping to drown, willing the water to take me.
I didn't hide my scars or marks because, at this point, I don't really care.
Everyone knows, yet no one can fix me.
I went from bus to bus to bus, all the while feeling nothing.
I laughed and smiled, more than I have in weeks, yet every one of those was forced and fake.
I wanted so badly to be happy, but it wasn't the change in surroundings I needed.
I realized yesterday, that no matter where you are or how much money is maintained, it is only those inside you, that can help you.
I'm going back today, after crying into the ocean.
After realizing fate isn't really a thing.
After seeing I could have made the biggest mistake or the greatest escape.
Yesterday, I added my own salt to the ocean.
Tears dripped and the waves seemed slapped me, angry that I disrupted their peace with my constant sorrow and self-hatred.
I added salt to the ocean.
