"You scared a lot of us tonight, Z, including a civilian." Agent Doc said, he can hear him talking on the bed side.
"Didn't Perrie tell you to stop the car before she said anything else? And why did you make her believe you did what she told you. She's still fussing about it."
Zayn didn't talk at all. He could not. It would not be pleasant to tell them it had felt almost pleasant to ram the car into that tree. He had welcomed the oblivion until, when it already hurt like hell and blood was already oozing from his wound, he knew he really did not want to die.
Then there was that voice, the scared-shitless face of a pretty curly lass that has the most enticing green orbs and luscious plump lips. And to think that he was dying that time and he still had the guts to check on the man's appearance was ridiculous. For two reasons; first, he is a man and never in a million years that dating a girl came across his mind. Two, well SHIT.
And it isn't very right to share his misery to other people. The curly lass –L.A, her name he remembered the girl said, her eyes looks so innocent and her conscience can't take the fact that she put fear into those mesmerizing eyes. No, scratch the mesmerizing. It's beyond gorgeous. Wait- No! Scratch that stupid thought. Just eyes.
His sister is dead, his sister Doniya. While that fact kept on repeating in his mind, his heart ached. It feels like someone was squeezing his heart and at that moment when Agent Chameleon personally called him up from Cheshire, he just knew it. And after he heard the news about his sister he wasn't by himself at all. He was dazed, shock, and most of all –shattered.
He told himself he was going to be ready but who could be ready for something like that? He has saved many lives before because of the course of his job both directly and indirectly, but his sister might have died in the most painful way possible. They found her decaying body in body bag buried in a shallow grave. Had she suffered? Was she thinking of her little brother before she died? It had been a long time since he last cried but he could not bring himself to do it now.
"We're sorry about Doniya, Z." the agent doctor sighed while sighing; can't carry the sympathy anymore.
"You know, if only we could have done everything in our power..."
He looked at the doctor, the pain is apparent on his face, not just physically pain but more.
"How can the pain go?" he asked very audible but enough for the doctor to hear.
The doctor lifted his head and looked at Zayn. He understands him. He also suffered before that's why he understands.
"For every life God allows me to save, the pain will lessen and lessen every time...but it never fades. The sense of failure, the urge to your conscience, just because you couldn't save them, you might carry that forever." He holds Zayn's hand.
"You're a tough guy, you can make it. And in Black Bureau we're privileged to do what we could to help, somehow, in making this country a better place to live in."
He paused and looked at Zayn in his eyes
"Sometimes it's hard to believe we're really doing anything." he said the bitter thought he have been keeping inside him while rubbing the young lad's injured arm.
"And if there's anything in this world I would not doubt, it's that you're a good man, Zayn. You gotta believe it." He said sincerely. He then checked the band aide and left after.
A moment later, Liam came in and gave him a small smile. A smile that's not out of joy but just a positive smile giving insurance and determination
