Project Fat Suit

Forty-Four: So Close

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Chapter Forty-Four: So Close

“Rena darling, you know I would do anything to help you, but you are scaring the children,” Katherine told me with a group of children hiding behind her back.

When I ran from Liam, I had ended up squeezing myself into the cardboard house the kids made in the daycare. Since it was Saturday, my kids weren’t here.

Even though I wanted nothing more than to stay silent and wait until she left me alone again, I forced words to come out of my mouth. “Sorry, Katherine. I’ll only be a few more minutes. I promise.”

Katherine shot me a concerned glance, but she soon shooed off the kids and shut the cardboard door of the house so I could be alone—except for that one kid staring at me through the window. He was slowly shuffling across the window with his pointer finger in his nose, looking for gold. “You’re weird, lady,” he said before he finally walked away.

I suppose I was a weirdo. I had just seen Liam for the first time since his surgery and what did I do? I ran away from him.

But I couldn’t stand it—Liam confessed that he loved me, which stirred some turmoil within me. Love was a simple, four-letter word yet it’s one of the most complicated and complex concepts. How did you even know if you were in love?

I tried to remember what Uranus had said when he had confessed his love to her. He said something about her smile, her funniness, how she was always there or him. And then he said simply that he loved her.

Is love when you’re just smitten with everything about a person then? Is it when you can accept even the bad things about a person? But then again, shouldn’t you want to help your significant other become better? Try to help them reach goodness? What is even goodness?

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to fight off all these thoughts that were flying through my mind. Now was not the time to question life’s questions. I need to start with my life.

I was stuck. I thought I liked Uranus with his straightforwardness, our banter, and how he did have a buried soft side. And there was Liam. The frogs kept reminding me that I did like him as well. I could feel them bouncing off the walls of my stomach every time I’ve experienced an extremely cheesy, yet totally adorable moment with the guy. And of course I loved the moments of bashing on Twilight and finding ourselves in pretty weird, but strangely romantic situation. 

I repositioned myself in the small cardboard house so that I was lying on my back with my legs resting on the side of the house. I was too big for this tiny house. I felt like freaking Alice in Wonderland, but unlike Alice, I didn’t have anything that would make me shrink—help me escape from my world momentarily.

Speaking of shrinking, another matter was my fat suit. A year ago I was entirely confident in my little project. A year ago, I thought I was helping the students of Willow Heights and myself. But now, with Liam’s and Uranus’s opinions on the matter, I wasn’t sure.

It made complete sense to me back then. Maria and I were the closest of friends before. I could clearly remember the times how she felt when I got the lead instead of her or when I beat her at something. I remember how I felt when it was the opposite. So, I assumed that if everyone were better than at least one person, they’d be happier and not end up so messed that they would stab a woman dedicating her time to volunteer at a soup kitchen.

But looking back—I (unknowingly) convinced Liam to go through with his treatment. I was tried to help Holly with her issues, which helped her drop her giddy, hyper façade and be the more calm, collected version of herself around us. Uranus—I was there for him when Holly wasn’t available. Sam—I had helped him through the reveal of his parents’ deaths.