My Heart Remembers Differently

UNEXPECTED FINDINGS

I found myself alone at lunch.  I feel so lost without my normal friends surrounding me here at Hogwarts.  I stab my fork into one of the potatoes on my plate and with very little appetite, I bite into it and chew.  I am once again looking at my schedule.  Professor Tonks, despite her bizarre lecture on the existence of Shadow People that day was accommodating when I asked for the care of magical creatures to be removed from my schedule and replaced by a new advanced course Exploring Fraudulent Magical Practices that was being taught by another new professor from the current Ministry of Magic who had left his post before Voldemort had taken over the ministry.  He was a strange, pale-faced fellow that dressed in ancient dark red robes with stark white hair that fell to his shoulders.  Professor Ormus was his name.  His voice was the most pleasant thing about him and made his lectures interesting.  Still, he gave a strange vibe and stayed in the shadows of the darkened room.  Of course, Luna, who was also in the class, explained to everyone that Lentol Ormus was a known vampire who had been turned in the first Wizarding War and was only allowed to remain at the ministry because he was allergic to human blood and lived off of beef and pig blood with the occasional side of raw venison. 

This is why I am not touching the pork roast that has been provided for lunch.  Many of the students in the Defense Against the Dark Arts class was in my other classes.  I had two periods of Advanced Potions to finish out the day.  I knew that by the end of the day I would have homework to last me well into the night.  That suited me just fine.  With my mind busy on school assignments, I would not be able to remember that everyone I had always considered friends had abandoned me for reasons I didn't know.

I have never felt so alone before in my life.  No parents and now, no friends.  The potato was hard to swallow, but I did.  I pushed my plate away and sipped my pumpkin juice while thinking about how much more studying I would have to do to keep away the hurt inside of my heart.  It is worse than I felt when I saw Lavender Brown throw herself at Ron in our sixth year and him wrapping his arms around her snogging her in front of the entire common room.  It is worse than I felt when Ron disaperated and left Harry and I in the cold forest all alone trying to figure out how to destroy the Horcrux we had and how to find others.

"How can you be considered the "Brightest Witch of the Age" and be so damned depressed all the time?"  Professor Tonks sat down at the table in front of me.  I looked up at her with surprise.  "Even in the states you are known as brilliant, Granger.  No one ever said you were such a morose kind of drag."  She said grabbing a cup and pouring pumpkin juice in it before taking a swallow.  She wrinkled her nose and looked into the cup.  "What is this?"  She asked in disgust.

"Pumpkin Juice."  I tell her. 

"Blech!"  She pointed her wand at the cup and murmured a spell and then sipped.  She smiled as if satisfied.  The she did the same to my mug and the jug.  "Try."  She instructed.  I hesitantly sipped and found the sweet taste of pineapple.  She smiled at me and nodded.  "Better, yes?"  She asked.

"I like it.  It is very good.  Did your school not have Pumpkin Juice?"  I asked.  She snorted.

"No, we had it occasionally.  We also were taught the spells to accommodate our drink preferences to what we wanted.  With limitations, of course."  Professor Tonks said.  "So, why are you so down, Ms. Granger?"  She asked me directly.

"I... I..."  I didn't know how to answer her.  The words sounded stupid and pitiful in my mind before I could speak them. 

"You life has changed after the war."  She stated.  I nodded.  "You lost friends and family."  Once more I nodded.  "We all have."  She reminded me.

"Did the war reach America?"  I asked.  

"Of course.  Voldemort's reach was long and cruel.  Perhaps it didn't have the same devastating effect on the American Wizarding World as it did here in England and possibly France and Germany.  The Wizarding Communities in America are more concealed than here.  We have more than Death Eaters to hid from.  There are muggles that know we exist who want to wipe us off the face of the earth.  So, war is an ongoing thing in America."  Professor Tonks said in a quiet voice.  I did not know.  I had never given much thought to America having any type of Magical community.

"No wonder you think I am weak."  I said sipping the cool pineapple juice.

"Not really weak.  I was expecting this fiery, yet confident witch who could already work as a professor or Auror if she wanted.  Instead my first look at you was you looking ostracized by your fellow classmates and then talking to yourself in the hallway.  Why were you doing that anyway?  Are you that lonely?"  She asked.  I rolled my eyes.

"Ghost."  I said.  She lifted one thin brow.  "I was talking to a ghost that obviously only I can see."  I explained.  "Surely you have seen the resident ghosts here at Hogwarts."  I said.

"I have met them and had some conversations with a few.  Who was this ghost when he or she was alive?"  She asked.  I studied my cup for a moment.

"I would rather not say.  It was a recent death and this person is still mourned by family that still attends Hogwarts."  I said to her. 

"Someone killed in the battle here?"  She asked.  I nodded not wanting to reveal Fred's identity.  I am still hoping that Ron or Ginny could see him soon.  "He or she is a new ghost.  I have read that a newly dead spirit cannot reveal themselves to anyone but a person who has passed from this life to another and then came back again.  When did you die, Hermione?"  She asked me.  I froze and gave her a horrified look.

"When did I die?"  I whispered in confusion.   Professor Tonks looked at me as if expecting an answer.  I had no answer.  "I was never told that I did."  I choked out.  I looked up and saw Harry, Ginny and Ron talking at a table across the room.

Suddenly, my depression metamorphosed into something else.  A burning hot anger mixed with determination fueled me to get up. 

"Please, excuse me, Professor."  I said in a clipped tone.  

"Of course, Granger.  I would like to continue our conversation.  Later perhaps?"  She poured herself another cup of juice and I walked across the Great Hall.

I would get answers.  Even if I had to beat some heads together.