My Heart Remembers Differently

THE MESS WE MADE

I have no idea what to say.  So, I don't speak.  I wait and look at the boy I have known since he was an eleven year old wizard with no idea how to cast a spell.  He is a man, now.  Tall, handsome, and so serious.  Somewhere in the past year, Harry Potter had grown into a man.  A man that I loved.

"How much have you remembered?"  He asked me quietly.  I felt a tear escape and run down my face. 

"They are coming back slowly."  I whispered not trusting my voice.  "I had to see you.  I had to see your face when I asked you if it was just a fluke for you.  Just the circumstances.  We were alone and we felt so much...  I still don't remember why we are not still in love, Harry.  The memories I have had make me think that not feeling..."  My throat closed for a moment with the hurt I felt. 

"Hermione, stop."  Harry walked towards me and I shook my head and backed away.  If he touched me, I would shatter right here on the stone floor of the clock tower.  He made a sound of frustration something between a growl and an groan.  

"I don't remember, Harry.  Did we decide that it wouldn't work?"  I asked finally.  "Did we decide that it wasn't real?  Because it still feels real to me.  Maybe the memory of us deciding that we weren't really in love hasn't surfaced, but my heart..."  My voice broke as I held my chest where my heart ached inside of me so much it almost took my breath.  "My heart remembers differently."  I finally choke out. 

"Why would you try to Obliviate me?"  I finally asked.  "You did it, didn't you?"  I demanded.  Harry didn't speak.  "Why?  I could have left.  I could have went back to the muggle world.  I would have never bothered you or tried to come between you and Ginny, Harry.  I don't remember!  I don't, but I am sure that I was hurt.  I am sure that I may have tried to talk you into not throwing us away, but I am sure I loved you enough to walk away."  I sobbed, my knees giving out and I fell to the stone floor.  

Harry's pulled me into his arms and I wanted to fight, but I realized I craved his strong embrace more.  He was sitting in the floor with me and had pulled me into his lap and rocked me as I cried.  As he held me, another memory came to me of us in the graveyard at Godric's Hollow and me holding him as he cried over his parents grave.  I remembered the old woman that wasn't an old woman had come for us, but my mind stayed on that moment when Harry had pressed a soft kiss on my mouth as we were walking out of the graveyard.

"I love you how they must have loved each other, Hermione.  I would die for you.  I would take a killing curse for you just like my mother and father did for me.  I would give my life to make sure you are always safe and happy."  He said.  I could see the truth in his beautiful eyes.  He meant it.

"I love you, Harry.  Let's figure all of this out and live to tell our children how their parents were best friends who fell in love."  I said knowing that the possibility of us living through the war was slight. 

"I love the idea of us together forever, Hermione.  I love the idea of children with you.  Let's plan on forever?"  He asked.  I smiled through tears of happiness and we kissed and then he hugged me close.  That was when I saw her.

"Harry, I think that old woman is staring at us."  I whispered.

"We promised each other forever, Harry."  I whispered brokenly.  He held me tighter.  "Surely, I would have walked away if you decided that it wasn't meant to be."  I looked up at him.  I did not realize he was crying, too.

"You did, Hermione.  You walked away."  He said angrily.  I frowned in confusion.

"But, I still love you, Harry.  I feel it and my heart is the only part of me that doesn't see to have forgotten anything."  I tell him.