Messages To Joe | J.S

{0049}

Sunday September 28th 2018:

I put myself right back in the cycle. I was going to ignore Amber, and I'd already gone against my promise of 'texting her later'. "Joseph!" Caspar called from his bathroom. As many problems as I had going on, of course I still had the time to prank my good ol' roommate Caspar. "Your such a dick!"

"C'mon buddy, we need to leave at 10 to get to Liverpool!" The bathroom floor was covered in cups filled with water but also, mouse traps. I hoped he wouldn't be clever enough just to pick up a couple cups from around the traps so it was safe to step there and luckily, he wasn't. "You need to have a shower."

"I'll just use yours," I slammed the door in his face as he came towards me. Since I'd taken the handle off, he was incapable of getting inside.

"No you won't!" A few minutes later, I re-opened the door - camera still in hand - and he was sat awkwardly outside the door, a disappointed look on his face. "Buddy, you need to get ready!" He rolled his eyes.

About an hour later (yep, we were now very late) we were on the train. As reluctant as he was, I'd persuaded Caspar just to leave the bathroom how it was and that I'd help him tidy it up when we got home on Tuesday.

"You know your phone went a couple times," Caspar was saying something but I could only see his mouth moving, I had to remove my headphones and ask him to repeat himself. "Your phone, it's been going a couple times since you switched it on."

"Caspar, that was before we left this morning!"he shrugged his shoulders and I scrambled around in my pockets for my phone. "Why did you tell me sooner?"

"I thought you might've been ignoring it intentionally," he shrugged again, it was becoming an annoying habit of his.

I got to my phone and saw it was a message from Amber, a long one.

"Who's that?" Caspar asked, peering at the screen.

"Amber," I sighed. I unlocked my phone and read the message that had been sent at one am this morning, and I was asleep.

"That's deep," Caspar (clearly having read the message) whispered, "do you love her?" I shook my head.

"Of course not, I can't love someone I've only spent a couple of weeks with," and I've never actually loved anyone.

"Really? Joe, three years ago you loved someone you'd never even met, you've told me the story, on multiple occasions!" Three years ago, I wasn't famous, I wasn't someone that over 6 million people had idolised. Even more so, I still had secrets and now, my one biggest secret probably isn't going to stay a secret; Amber. "Plus, I've seen you two together, you already seem like a couple." Hearing Caspar talking about such serious topics was so weird, but good.

"But Caspar, what if- never mind."

"Tell me!"

"What if YouTube pulls us apart? Back in 2015, I wasn't where I am, I was normal - well, like, not famous normal - and I could feel these things but-" Caspar interrupted me.

"Your talking out of your arse, Joe. If three years can't rip you apart, I don't think anything can." Caspar was right, after three years is not forgotten a word of the conversations we shared, "besides, YouTube can try, but you wouldn't let it get in the way." I'd make sure I didn't.

I decided not to reply to the message, it wasn't the right way to do things. I chose instead to go ahead with the trip to Liverpool and to BBC worldwide and visit her when we get back.