Messages To Joe | J.S

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Yes it's a POV sorry and it's Ambers just a little insight into her thought process
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Saturday January 12th 2019:

'What's on your mind?' We'd been sat in silence for a while across from one another. Harvey probably thought I was mad at him but I kept playing with his fingers with mine in an attempt to give the message across that I wasn't. I said yes but I haven't made contact with Joe since. In all fairness, it's just been a week but usually we don't go more than four days without a word.
'Nothing,' he gave me a worried look, 'really.' His face softened and he smiled at me.

'So about France,' Harvey's parents were French but he'd lived here since birth - meaning he was perfectly English but spoke French fluently too - and he was going back for a visit in the middle of the week. 'Are you okay with me going?' Silence. 'Is that what it's about?! I don't have to go I-'
'No, it's not that, it's fine for you to go, you haven't seen everyone in ages. Of course, naturally I don't want my boyfriend-' it was strange to call him that when we'd know eachother for so little time '-to go away but no, you have to go.'

We finished our drinks and it wasn't until then that we noticed the horrendous rain that had erupted in the British capital. Making a desperate run for it, we splashed through endless puddles, got raindrops on absolutely every centimetre of our faces and clothes, and couldn't stop laughing.

'f.u.c.k' thankfully, my place wasn't too far away but it was far enough to have us drenched, thankfully just an excuse for me to see Harvey with his shirt off. 'Maybe we shouldn't have run,' he laughed, collapsing on a heap on the sofa. Usually, I would've minded him getting his wet arse all over it but instead, I just followed him and fell into his arms.

'Hmm, but it was fun,' his skin was damp and his hands danced through my hair as I lay, practically emotionless. Anyone observing would see this wasn't what I wanted and that I was completely not there, but Harvey didn't see that, and just sat with me in silence.

'Do you want to order pizza?' It had been at least 20 minutes of Harvey playing with my hair and our heavy breathing filling the silence before he spoke up, and before I replied with a gentle nod. 'Pepperoni?' If I was being honest, I wasn't going to eat anything anyway, so he may aswell have ordered his favourite- but I simply nodded again and sat up whilst he went to go and get his phone.

My place felt empty and cold and I felt so heavy with my damp hair and clothes. It was an odd feeling, I had to admit, and it wasn't something I'd ever felt with him, but truthfully, I felt sick. Not ill, but sick of the same thing: him. And I felt so terribly awful to seem to dislike the company of someone so much, but I despised it, but mostly because I focused more on myself and that bored me more than anything else.

'Amb, it arrived, you were sort of in your own world. I got ice cream too.. I don't mean to tread where I'm not welcome, but you seem down and your mind seems busy, I don't need to know what's up.' He placed the pizza on the table, not bothering to get played or napkins or cutlery because I didn't care if I looked like a nasty pig.

'Nothing's wrong, Harvey,' I came out a little rough, hard and rude, so I placed my hand on his knee as he wrapped his arm around me gently. 'Thank you- oh God, I can feel this getting deep.'

'Okay, if you're sure.. I mean, can I ask, if, um- are you on? Or something like that?' I laughed at his deadly serious comment, was I really acting that horrifically? 'I'll take that as a no?'

'Look, I'm sorry I'm acting weird- and no it's not that time of month but thanks for asking- but I don't mean to, I'll try to have a good time.'

'You don't have to, if you aren't having a good time, then you aren't, don't pretend, tell me!' He was laughing too and the rest of the evening went smoothly: I stopped thinking about Joe and I quit wanting to message him, me and Harvey ate pizza then cuddled and watched a film where I fell asleep, but I knew he must've been awake for a while longer, it worries me what he would've been thinking about, but I chose not to go there.