Camp -minizerk AU-

Suicide?

Josh's P.O.V.

(Before the fight in the morning, after the dance in the bed?)

I felt my phone buzzing under my pillow. I picked it up as fast as I could so that I didn't wake anyone up. It was Freya.

J- what do you want Freya?

F- what a girl can't talk to her boyfriend?

Shit, I totally forgot about that. I was so caught up in Simon. What do I do? Do I pick? I want to pick Simon, but that is so rude to Freya I can't do that to her. But I cheated on her she deserves the chance to find someone who will truly love her, I am going to tell the truth to her. She deserves it.

J- Freya, I think we should break up. A lot has happened, and I mean a lot.

F- what?! Can we at least skype or FaceTime?

I went outside and called her on FaceTime. I saw her face pop on the screen. Her mascara was flowing, she truly looked horrible.

"Look, I am so sorry Freya. I have to tell you the truth, I can't love you Freya. I'm incapable. I love guys, I love Simon-" I said before she cut me off.

"Simon, you mean the one who lied to you about having amnesia? You mean the one who obviously doesn't care about you and uses you?" She yelled at me.

"He doesn't, he is nothing like any of those things that you had just said. He does care about me, I know he does. He trusted me last night." I said faintly.

"What do you mean, he trusted you last night?" She asked in a menacing tone.

"Freya, I had sex with Simon. It was all the moment. I realized that I love him, like a lot. He makes me happy in so many ways that I didn't even know were possible. I'm sorry Freya." I said as she just hung up with me.

I looked to the side to see Tobi just staring at me. When he realized I had saw him he had just ran.

I walked inside to the cabin and looked to my right. I saw Simon staring out the window in a curled up ball.

"Hey," I said wanting to see his beautiful smile once more,"I missed you."

"No, you missed using me. I saw you talking to her. It was like nothing ever happened. Do you even remember last nigh? Or were you just drunk or some shit like that and that is why you were so willing to. I know that you were trying to change, but you said that you would never hurt me in the way. That was obviously a lie, just like everything else." He said in obvious rage as he got up off of the ground.

"Simon, what are you talking about?" I said  trying to grab his arm so that I could calm him down.

"Don't touch me, you asshole." He yelled as he pulled his arm away from me.

"Simon, I didn't do anything. I love you. I was talking to her because I was breaking up with her. I love you Simon, no one else." I said as I tried to grab his hand.

"Stop lying to me. You fucking used me. I lost my virginity to a fucking faggot." He yelled at me.

My body turned numb. Everything was faint. It was all becoming blurry. What? Why?

"Yeah, I guess you did. I guess we now both know who each other really are. I did love you Simon, I truly did. Look at my phone." I said as I showed him my text messages to Freya.

His face just turned from angry to plain shocked. I could tell that he regretted everything. But it all still hurt. He had done what my dad had done.

When I was a little kid, my grandpa would always call me a faggot. My mom always hated him for doing that. It always hurt and to hear someone you love so much to say it to you, it hurts so much.

"Yeah, Simon. You didn't even give me time. I truly did love you, but I could never love a man who says words like that." It was a true fact.

I was scared and there was no way I could look at Simon the same way. I grabbed my bags and had walked out of the room. Not being able to look at him.

"Josh?" I hear someone say.

I looked up to see Tobi, he had a confused face on.

"Look, I don't really want to talk right now. A lot has happened and I just, I just-" I said before I mentally broke down.

I fell to the ground in tears. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I thought that for once I was going to be with someone who made me happy. It felt like my life before my dad had died.

"Josh!" I hear Tobi yell as he sits down next to me.

I feel him wrap his arm around me.

"No, I don't deserve this. I am a horrible person. I treated you, Simon, Ethan, and even Freya like crap. You were my best friend, we did everything together and I just left you. Without saying goodbye or anything. I'm so sorry Tobi." I said as I ran away from him.

I don't deserve to be happy, I don't deserve compassion. Simon is right, I am just a faggot. I'm a disgrace to mankind. I don't deserve to live. No one would miss me. Even if they did, they would soon realize that their life is so much better without me.

That is what I am going to do, I am going to kill myself. It is the only answer.

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A/N: don't question why it seems like I always make Josh suicidal. I have no entire clue why. Like I literally was writing a poofless one and I made Rob suicidal. Like Rob is my favorite pack member and Josh is my favorite sidemen, so I don't know why I do that, but I do. Just deal with it.