Shelby LOVERS

Chapter 15 Goodbye

I get home and Brianna, Montana and Johan are waiting for me throwing questions after questions. I told them everything that happened but not the sexual details of course since Johan was there. They finally let up on the questions and let me go into my room, I lay on the bed. Alone with my thoughts, I honestly don't know what this means for me in Chris or what I want it to mean. I'm just personally tired of the back and forth with Chris and me, like can't we finally get it right without me getting pregnant and the baby dying. I love that man to death that was the father of both my children, my everything, my all. But I'm honestly so sick of us getting it wrong, we both deserve happiness and love, I don't think that's going to come from us being together. I'm scared to tell Chris this because I don't want him to feel like I played him or playing on his feelings. I know he loves me but I also know he's not his happiest. Just when I was about to go deeper into my thoughts someone knocks on my door, "COME IN."
I look up and there's Drew standing in my doorway, I'm confused on why he's here and why he interrupted my thoughts. "What are you doing here?" , he's just staring at me looking like he wants to tell me something, something big but doesn't know how to say it. "Why did you sleep over at his house Shelby, did I not mean anything to you?" , well this conversation took a left turn real quick.
"What do you mean, of course you do. But we both decided to move on your with Tiffany and I'm with no one. I have no one I'm damaged goods Drew you are way to good of a guy to be with a fucked up person like me. I love you and I also love Chris and last night/ morning was one of the best nights I had along side from spending it with you in the car. I lost two children and both of them was by Chris and you was there for both of them and I love you for that. I will always love Chris and we will always have history for the simple reason he's my dead children's father and I will never give up that bond for another man. I can tell you this I love you with all my heart. Me giving you up and letting you have a real chance at love with someone who loves you unconditionally that's what love is. You deserve to be happy after all. I have no doubt in my mind that I can make you happy but I don't know when that can actually happen. I have so much shit to figure out now that George is trying to be in my life. I want happiness I choose happiness and with me choosing happiness I know that's not with Chris. I had a great time with him and Drew for once I felt complete I felt like everything was normal, you with Tiffany I'm with Chris and everything was safe. I wasn't the woman who had two children and both died but I was me and I want to get back to me. You make me so happy Drew I can totally be myself with you rather I'm emotional or irrational you let me be. I will always love you but I know right now I'm not the woman for you" with tears streaming down my face.
Drew rushes over to the bed and sit on it, he put his hands on my face and wipes my tears away. I know he understands what I mean even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else. "I get it now, I didn't before but I understand you. I know it's not our time and maybe it will never be. I need you to understand that I will always be here for you through thick and thin, I love you Shelby in more ways than one. I came here looking for answers or maybe for something more but I got exactly what I need. I want to tell you that me and Tiffany is going back to Canada, I have a job over there and it will take a while to complete. I owe it to myself and Tiffany to try again even if it doesn't work. Seeing you these last months and being with you have been one of my best memories."
He stands up, and I get up with him. I can't believe he's leaving know it's for a job. I believe he needs space and time to figure things out and actually give him and Tiffany a fair chance. We stare at each other in the middle of my bedroom wanting to say so much but couldn't get anything out. I know if I say something it would make him question his decision to go and I couldn't do that to him. "I'm leaving in a few hours so I need to get to the airport Tiffany is waiting for me downstairs." The waterworks start again, I didn't think he would leave this soon. All I know is in this moment I want to be selfish, I want to wrap my body around him and kiss him like there's no tomorrow. Tell him how much I love him and how much I need him, but I couldn't do that to him or Tiffany they need to figure shit out.
I walk him to the door literally about to give up my best friend and my love to another woman.
"I'll text you when I land in Canada, but after that you won't hear from me no time soon. I need to give me and Tiffany a real shot and I can't do that while texting you everyday it's not fair, but don't hesitate to text or call me if you really need me. I love you Shelby take care of yourself ."
Bri comes to the door and give him a big hug, Johan comes and give him a pound of course Montana is in It. Lastly it's me I give him the biggest hug I ever gave him and he hugs back just as tight. With tears down my face and his eyes watery I knew he wants this to last. I felt like this hug lasted so long, that time and space stood still. I feel his phone buzz but neither one of us stop hugging each other. I see Tiffany look at me with those scorn eyes. I let up on the hugging and so did Drew, I gave him a kiss on the cheek and said goodbye.
I literally lost my best friend and my lover all at the same time, only to think I'm about to lose my other lover.
I go back in my room get my phone and write Chris a long message telling him how I felt about us, what I need and want. As I'm writing this my face is drowning in tears. I know that me and Chris need each other because of our history and our comfort zone but we need something new. We need to explore our options without feeling like we owe each other something because of what we been through. I know he can make me happy and I to him but we don't want that anymore. When I got the text back he told me he understands and I'm correct in everything I wrote. That if I ever need him for anything just give a ring and he hopes that we could be friends, so do I.
I lay down in my bed feeling FREE for the first time I feel FREE, I feel like I can actually focus on me without a man, or children in the way. I can finally fall back in love with myself and figure out the next step for Shelby.