Wake up already this is reality

Chapter six

Hey guys... It's me Ash, so I feel like a pile of trash right now, I let down my friend, I let her down, I let Aspy down, she was excited to go to this live show to see our two favorite people online and be able to give them stuff we were hoping for, but tragically the date was on a school day we thought it was on a weekend to where we could go and met them and be able to be out of state for a few days... Only the date was on an SOL, which is a test we have to take and Aspen can't miss anymore days of school, she's missed so many days already, it's so heart breaking, an the worst part is, I was going to get her the tickets because the date of the show was so close to her damn birthday, but now sadly, I can't, I was going to ask my mom then I looked to see the show was on a school day, the bad thing was she was telling her dad and we were in a call but, her dad didn't even listen to one word she said, I mean, I didn't tell my mom I just walked in then out, she was there to encourage me but I couldn't be there to comfort her, she even left the call before I could even say sorry, she sounded so sad, she must of been really looking forward to this, goddammit, why couldn't they do this during Summer or something?! I mean then my mom could maybe have some time off work, I could go there with Aspen as my birthday gift and would still get to met our role models... I feel like I crushed my best friend's soul, like, I just feel like waste, an empty space, why can't school not exist, why do parents have to work! Why can't we do something we want again, we sound so spoiled... Don't we? I mean how many times can a kid complain about missing a fucking show when they can just wait, send them a letter maybe saying all the stuff they would want to say. I wonder what she is doing now? I mean she sounded so heart broken before... I felt like I broke her heart, not looking closer at the dates, it sounded like her mom was the only one listening.

How do you tell a friend your sorry when you know how much this meant to them? I mean we both well get over it someday, it's not like the end of the world, I mean, it feels like it, I know I have to make this up to her, somehow, in someway... Wait how do I make this up to her, everything to be able to met them would cost so much, we don't have enough money to met them because they are in England, we are in the US, maybe we can ask my dad to let us go there for Summer or Spring, maybe we can even hope that they'll come back soon. I wish I could just read my feelings away.

Okay! Come on I need to stop going on about bad shit in my life! It's the weekend, I most likely well just sit around browsing the web. I mean what else is there to do, I feel depressed, happy, and all alone, I mean, when am I not moody as fuck? Oh well! I was writing today, I worked on my drawing, it was really nice, but I guess I did a good job, maybe I can make Aspen a gift, or try to get the two guys who my friend and I look up to, to talk to us? I don't know anymore, maybe? Most likely not, I mean who cares anymore anyway... I just really want to get over with today and start a new one, and here comes to depression again! I really hope Aspen isn't depressed, she most likely is more crushed them me because she got to ask her parents, I just stalled holding it off, she even said she'll get her grade up, but now look, we both might have our grades drop from how we are just no, no, no, no, I won't let this shit get the best of me, I won't, I won't, I won't, I WON'T!!! I mean it's just a silly little show, we always can just watch it online or something like that shit, who cares, I mean we have homework anyways, plus, they are just some guys who make us smile all the time and help us be happier... Fuck I hate myself so much right now, just kill me now, I already have been to hell(school) might as well go back!

I mean I wonder how to make this up to her, do I write them a letter, maybe I can message them and try to make a gift for her, or something like that, I don't know! God, why do friends have to people you want to please, why can't I just be there for her and not feel like a failure when small things I promises won't come true!