Wake up already this is reality

Chapter nine

Hey! So yeah I am mortified for so many reasons right now, okay, so to explain this to you I'll just show my FABULOUS flashback. 

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I sat on my bed, I was in the middle of switching my classes for my chorus to other skills or the thing people take when they don't want to take band or chorus, I had taken chorus this whole year so far and Aspen was taking it too, but when I asked her outside before she left she said next year she was going to take the other thingy.(I forgot the name.)

I was contemplating the fact of telling my mom about it since she just got home, so I walk into her room making sure to knock before I fully open the door, and her door is one of the only bedrooms with a lock on it, at least I think, but my brother's room might have a lock, not counting the lock on the back door in his room that leads to the creek. I was explaining to her about the stuff I was taking, English and Math were the two subjects that gave ideas of what classes to take I got normal English for seventh and Pre-Algebra and I want to take Algebra 1 to get the high school cred. My mom brought up her work after my dad said hi, my dad is in New York, not the city, but somewhere in the state, my mom told me her manager wanted to me to help in a fashion shot for the prom dresses, and I am like,"Wait what", because I look like a boy for one thing and I am eleven years old! I asked her if they could let me do the boys stuff such as tuxes and all that, but no, since it is a prom DRESS shot I have to use the dresses, but I being me said, yes, even though I hated attention and I still do, I am just an idiot who has no balance, I really am just confused.

***  

I feel like an idiot right now, I mean why did I say yes?!?! It's not like I want to do it, I mean, I was cringing so hard when she even brought it up! Just hope with me that I die by the end of this week and non of my classmates find out about this crap, I mean if it does rumors well spread like wild fire! I mean holy shit, well non-holly shit! I am just hiding in my brother's old room which is the guest room now, well one of the guest rooms, we have two so far, my old room downstairs near my mom and dad's room and my brother's room which is next to mine, I am planing on putting a bean bag chair in the closet and a bookshelf in there too so I have a little study area. Off topic! Dammit, still, I am only telling Aspen if she ever responds to my messages. I might tell my classmates and I just am internally dying, like normal, I mean, why! Why me, but her manager did say I looked older then 11 and taller then 11, mainly because I am taller then a girl who works at the supper market near my house. Ugh, I just want to die already! Yay! I feel so alive. I feel borderline happy, I feel borderline sad. Why can't I just sit around my house, but I think my mom is happy that I am leaving the house for once, but I don't want to wear a dress, or have people do my hair, why can't fashion shows be honest, yet again they are having me in it, a lazy asshole who puts everything off, such as important homework. Oh can't forget all the work I had turned in late. Ugh my arm hurts so much, and if I do get the molding thingy then when I get to a chapter talking about it I'll put the picture up (But I'll be sure to make it one that you can't see my face because no one needs to see that!). I might look like shit and there could be a lot more people there, and most likely well and yeah, just burn me in Hell already! OH and we talked about a move called "Carousel" which all I remember are teacher saying was it had something to do with Satan which instantly reminded me of the song sung by Melanin Martinez, and I really want to watch it now because, Satan. BLAME IT ON THE SATAN, DON'T BLAME IT ON ME, DON'T BLAME IT ON ME. Still I can just hear a voice saying in the back of my mind I just hear Ash don't do it you'll end up dying. Welp I guess this is all for now? I don't know anymore, so later!