Somewhere, Someday

90

Song for the chapter: Poison And Wine by The Civil Wars

~~~

"Your mouth is poison and your mouth is wine. You think your dreams are the same as mine. I don't love you, but I always will.

We spend all the way to the hospital, praying that Professor Hardy would be okay and taken care of once we got there. Harry's knuckles were turning white from gripping the steering wheel too tight. I wanted to reach over and just calm him, but I knew that I couldn't. Not the way I used to.

In some way, I just knew that everything would turn out okay for Harry and Professor Hardy. It would be cruel of the universe to hurt Harry this way now, with his mother being sick as well. We weren't together either, which might also be affecting Harry and making him upset about this whole thing.

He was driving much faster than the speed limit even allowed, making my heart race, hoping we wouldn't get in an accident. I was scared to tell him to slow down, but I also didn't want him getting in any trouble for driving like this.

"Harry you need to slow down a little bit." Harry lets out a loud sigh, easing his grip on the steering wheel and slowing the car down a bit. I hated seeing him so distressed and nervous, but at this moment, if I were him, I'd be doing the same.

My heart was racing, in fear for what Harry could do or say when his mind was clouded like this. His eyes were glued to the road, Harry never even glances my way the whole time. His mind is preoccupied and filled with ways to get to the hospital the fastest and most efficient way.

"Are you scared?" My voice comes out small, scared of pissing Harry off or even just getting on his bad side. I wanted to reach my hand over and calm him down, maybe even make him feel okay around me.

"I'm going out of my mind scared Sarah. This guy was more of a dad to me than my own father." Harry's comment makes me wonder if he's known Professor Hardy longer than he lets on. Harry was only a junior in college, making him only possibly know any teachers for a little  under three years.

"Have you known Professor Hardy for a while, like longer than just three years?" Harry looks over at me, as if I have uncovered a secret that he's been holding onto. "You don't have to be ashamed about anything." As if by instinct, my hand reaches over and grasps Harry's, showing him it's okay to tell me whatever is on his mind.

"He used to be my therapist, the guy had a degree in literature and in psychology." Harry takes his hand out of mine, making me feel empty but also relieved. I was just talking about how much I had wanted Landon back in my life, and now I was in a car with Harry, feeling all the emotions again.

"We used to meet all the time and talk about our lives, like how we've moved forward." Harry takes a deep breath, sounding as if he is about to cry for the man that saved his life. "He doesn't deserve to die." My heart sinks deep into my chest, starting to feel how Harry might be in this moment.

"No one deserves to die, especially not the good guys. I'm sorry Harry." I wanted to reach over, but I also didn't want to start something new, especially since Harry and I are yet to be finished. We never really even talked about the breakup. I just knew that it had hit me like a ton of bricks and that it had hurt.

It had started with Harry leaving with no notice, going to see his ill mother. I didn't resent him for that, it's for the way he had come back, at that party. I can remember it so vividly, a girl seated on his lap, them not giving a care in the world if they were seen. It nearly shattered me, made me feel like I was in a head on collision in a car crash. My chest had stopped right in that moment, waiting for my mind to catch up for what I was seeing couldn't have been real at the time. In my head all I could think was if we loved each other so much, how could we break like that, with no conversation between us? I know that now would be a stupid time to even bring us up, but I can't help it anymore, I needed to tell him.