צעקה אחרונה לפני שאלך

should i stay?

How would it be like if i will just dissapear?

You know, turn into dust or something.

I never say these words next to people, cause i know it will end bad.

Hospital for being suicidical.

Well i dont want that.

I just sometimes really want to be gone.

Just go to sleep and never wake up.

Why cant i?

Without hurting people and making them lose hope...

I've become many people's shoulder, but who's mine?

Why dont people stop for a sec and give me their hands and getting me up?

Well i guess most of it is my fault.

I just told everyone ever cared about me that Im fine and happy, so they wont get hurt. So they wont be worry. So they will stop asking me am I okey or just being nice to me 'cause i didnt feel deserved it.

But now.. Now i dont really know..

I dont hate myself that much 'cause i understand that Im human, and humans are making mistakes all of the time, and thats okey. Thats okey.

But still, you know, recovery isnt overing that fast. It takes time. A long time. And that okey too.

And i still weak and hurt. And i dont ashamed of that, because thats okey, too.

But you dont understand. Im just so exusted. I want to sleep. Im tired.

But not the usual sleep. The long way, please.

Well, should i stay?

For my loved ones?

For people who need my shoulder?

Keep wondering..

Should i just go away?