diary of me.

Feburary 27th 9:32 pm

~secret p.o.v~
I told him to leave witch tbh I didn't think he actually would leave if you asking why I'll tell you
Why: even as my friend he hurts me I make him walk out and he comes in and out after ward he does it a lot. I can't believe I'm actually making him leave. I'm so confused as how my feelings are for him. I need to get this through my head. He always says he never care but I know it's true he never did care and he never will.

I can't change the way he is I try and try but it just doesn't work. I feel as if he was using me for some fucked up reason I just wanted him to there for me. Everything he says me I can't believe it. I have trust issues, and anxiety and a small eating disorder plus my depression it's a great combinations isn't it. He was the one I dumped everything on and I regretted it so much. I miss his cuddles and his hugs and the way he smiles when I talk to him In person I miss seeing his curly chocolate colored hair and his eyes that I can just fall deeply in love with and the way his words can control me. The way he played with my hair when we cuddle, how safe I felt in his arms, and the way he held me in his arms to let me know I was safe.
Is what we had real?

Was I dreaming about it all?

Was I knocked out?

This can't be real can it?

But I guess it's over and this is all I can think

Him: forever and always

Me: always and forever