diary of me.

March 6th 9:02

~secrets p.o.v~
I cut my stomach It bleeds in one spot Instead of making more I make it deeper Along with cutting I starve myself because I'm never satisfied with myself I'm never enough Never will be and never was I feel pain everyday Today And tomorrow I still feel the same pain I cut my stomach to make me happy  Don't be mad People think depression is sadness. People think depression is crying. People think depression is dressing in black. But people are wrong. Depression is the constant feeling of being numb. Being numb to emotions, being numb to lie. You wake up in the morning just to go back to bed again. Days aren't really days; they are just annoying obstacles that need to be faced. And how do you face them? Through medication, through drinking, through smoking, through drugs, through cutting. When you're depressed, you grasp on to anything that can get through the day. That's what depression is, not sadness or tears, it's the overwhelming sense of numbness and the desire for anything that can help you make it from one day to the next. I'm so broken that I can feel it. I mean, physically feel it. This is so much more than being sad now. This is affecting my whole body. Depression is darkness filling your heart, surrounding your soul. Everything takes so much energy. People around you don't understand, you're doing the best you can Responsibilities overwhelm, expectations you can't meet weigh heavily, Sorrow fills you until there is no room for anything else. Strength to fight, to find joy and love, slowly seeps from your soul. Endless days without hope loom before you, enveloping you in the darkness. Depression is hard to explain. But I'll try anyway. You see. It's like a disease. It tears you a part. The activities you loved doing like video games, sports, watch youtubers, designing things, draw. It doesn't matter. You can't find any joy in it anymore. You don't smile much because there isn't a reason to you think. It doesn't matter how good you have it. Depression makes everything worthless and hopeless. It can make you do many things. Some people are cured from the disease, to others it can be lethal. It's sad isn't it?

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/
Total words 384