Million Dollar Dreams

Chapter 12

I woke up later than usual, it was almost ten thirty. Kirk was already up, and out of bed. I was still in his clothes from the night before, I had no desire to take them off. I lifted up his shirt, looking at my stomach. I did that almost every morning, talking to our little girl. I picked up my phone, opening up my notes. Last night, while I was unable to sleep, I looked up some girl names and kept the ones I liked. Natalie, Naomi, Natasha, Janelle, Gabriella, Tatiana, Arianna, Layla and Alana. I never thought that choosing a name would be so stressful, but I still had about four more months till my due date.

I called my mom, since I haven't talked to her in a few days. It would be nice to hear her voice.

"Hey mom." I said as she picked up.

"Hey, how have you been? Did you find out what you're having?"

"I've been better, but everything is fine at the moment. And yes, I did."

"What is it?!" She yelled.

"It's a girl!"

"AHHH!!" She excliamed. "I'm so happy! Aw yes! Lexus, oh my gosh!"

"We're happy too."

"Kirk is okay with it? I'm glad."

"I am too.." I sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing ever goes the way I plan. I'm not trying to say that I'm unhappy about being pregnant or being with Kirk. It's just.. The whole Braxton thing got me all messed up. And Jalen.. And now Kirk getting arrested."

"I heard about that.. What happened?"

"He read the messages that Braxton sent me.. And he kinda flipped out."

"Oh.. How badly did he flip? Are you mad about it?" She asked.

"Pretty bad.. He beat the living shit out of him! But nah, I'm not mad, I just wish things ended up different. You know, I'm happy to be here with family, but sometimes I think we should have stayed in Miami." I confessed. "We would have been left alone.."

"Im not mad he did it either! And You don't know that. Things could have been just as bad down there."

"It could have been, but I doubt it."

Kirk walked into the room, smiling at me when he noticed I was awake. He crawled into bed next to me.

"You're only saying that cause you're hurt." My mom continued.

"I'm not hurt, I'm fine, seriously.'

"Hun, all of this is obviously bothering you. It affects you in some way."

"Yeah, I know that, but I'm not hurt."

"Hurt about what?" Kirk asked, lifting up my shirt.

"Nothing babe."

"I'll be coming by tonight anyways, so we can talk then, alright?"

"Yeah, see you later."

"Love you Lex."

"Love you too ma.."

I hung up the phone. Kirk had this look in his eye.

"It's nothing." I said.

"It's something Lexus.."

"Look, I-"

"If it's about me, I get it." He sat up, hs eyes looking away from me.

"Nah, it's not you." I softly touched his hand. "I swear"

"Than what is it?" Anger became present in his voice.

"Babe, it's just been hectic around here and-"

"You ain't happy?"

"I'm happy.. But I'm just a little stressed out. It's not your fault, I promise."

"Sure it's not.." He sighed, getting up.

"Come on Kirk..." He shook his head walking out of the room.


I leaned my head back into the headboard, letting out a huge sigh. I wanted to tell him everytyhing that was bothering me, but I couldn't form the words to say, I knew it wouldn't come out right. I wanted to confess to him about Jalen, but made a promise that I wouldn't. I still thought about it though, a lot, to the point where it bothers me. This was one of those secrets you kept to yourself, even if it eats you alive. Some things arent meant to be told.

Kirk was in an bad position, wanting to be the perfect boyfriend and being here during the pregnancy and not go to jail for aggravated assault. He was trying so hard not to let this bother him, but I could tell it was. Kirk was, and is, the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I truly mean it when I say that.

I started to think more about my conversation with my mother. Maybe I want too much out of life. Maybe my expectatios are too high. Maybe I'm just pissed off because I knew the truth. I can't act like I didn't expect all this drama to happen. Maybe I'm just stupid. Maybe I shouldn't be suprised. I guess sometimes I forget that life isn't perfect.



**


Jalen went out tonight with one of his friends, I wasn't sure what his name was, but Jalen said he needed to get out for a while, he didn't care who he was with. Deep down, I didn't mind, I wanted to be alone with Kirk. He was upstairs laying in bed. Having an ankle bracelet stops him from doing so much. I noticed the time, and it was only ten minutes past eight. I made myself a bowl of ice cream covered with hot fudge.

I walked into our bedroom, sitting down on the bed next to him. We haven't talked much since this morning. He faked a smile when I looked at him.

"We need to talk." I said, talking a bite of my ice cream.

"About what?"

"You know what we need to talk about."

"There isn't anything to talk about."

"Kirk, you barely spoke to me all day, we do need to talk."

"You wanna talk?" He asked. "Fine. We can talk. What are you so hurt about? If it's me I want you to tell me!"

"It's not you, I swear! Why would it be you?"

"Obviously it's my fault that we're here! It's my own fault that I got fucking arrested and now I can't leave the damn house! I couldn't be there for you when you found out we're having a girl! I messed it all up Lexus.."

"That's not true... You fought for me. How can I be mad at you for that? You mean so much to me, more than you'll ever know. You gotta understand, I'm under so much stress right now. When we first came down here, your mom was in Kentwood, we were moving into the new house, had the doctor appointment, Jalen moving in, then Braxton popped up out of nowhere, he started so much shit and now you're the one paying for it! It really has nothing to do with you babe. Yeah, I feel bad, and it bothers me what happened, but what can I do about it? Seriously... I just want this all to end."

"Do you regret moving here?"

"A little bit... Kirk, I knew this was gonna be bad. I had that gut feeling." I said, shaking my head.

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be, we would have been down here anyways." I shrugged. "I just want a stress free pregnancy, and then to have this baby. I want out daughter to have a good life."

"She will Lexus, I promise." He sat up, kissing my cheek. "I'll make sure of it." I took a deep breath. "I wanted to ask you something though.."

"What is it?"

"I was talking to Jalen earlier, I don't remember what I said about you, but he started acting weird. He made it sound like you two aren't cool with each other. Wanted to know if you had any idea what it was about?"

"I don't know.. I think we're cool. Maybe today's just an off day or something."

"I remember what I said... I asked him how you were the night I got arrested, cause I know he was here with you."

"Oh."

"He didn't want to talk about it."

"I don't blame him, I was a mess that night. Jalen was probably worried by it, I don't know Kirk."

"I think he likes you Lexus." He said. "I've thought that since we got here."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah, don't act like you couldn't tell either." Kirk laughed. "It's pretty obvious, but I don't blame him."

"He told me that you're lucky to have me.." I smiled.

"I am lucky I have you.. Anyone would be." He kissed the side of my forehead. "I'm surprised he didn't try and put a move on you." He laughed.

"Yeah.." I faked a laugh. "Me too."

"Soo..." Kirk continued. "I've been thinking of baby names."

"I have too."

"I really like the names Gianna and Naomi."

"I like those names." I smiled. "What about Lilliana? Or Alyssa, Gabriella, um, Natalie, Thalia.. I made a list of names I liked."

"I like Lilliana and Natalie. I wanted to use your mom's name as a middle name for our daughter."

"Ruthie? No.. But her middle name is Marie, we could use that."

"Yeah, I like Marie better." He said. "Lilliana Marie, that's cute."

"Yeah, I think it is." I smiled. "Natalie Marie is pretty too."

"Gianna Marie is prettier though."

"You really like that name, huh?" I laughed.

"Yeah I do! Just think about it, okay? We'll see the day she's born if she looks more like a Gianna, Natalie or any other name we think of."

Throughout the corse of the night we came up with other names that we liked, some using Marie as the middle names, some using other middle names.

Alexis Marie.
Tatiana Marie.
Anna Paris. (With a long "A" so it's pronounced On-a)
Josephine Lorain (after my aunt, who died when I was 2.. My mothers only sister out of seven siblings. They were very close)
Jocelyn May.
Maria Joyce.
Jacqueline Ann.
And Olivia Marie.

Kirk was more excited about naming her than I was, and I was pretty damn excited. I thought it was cute how involved and happy he was about all this. He took the news about it being a girl a lot better than I thought he would, and I'm glad. I think Kirk will be an amazing father to this little girl. He told me if we end up having another baby, it better be a boy, he'll get mad if it doesn't the next time. But, I have a hard time believing he'll get mad over it, he's just being a punk.

I had suggested the name Jayla, which I think is a pretty name, but Kirk said it sounded like a mix between Jaida and Jalen, and it would be too awkward for him. I never even thought of that, but he made a good point. I didn't want out daughter to have anything similar to Jaida.

Tomorrow was Sunday, two days before his first showing at court. I didn't want to go, but I wanted to be there as support. All that was gonna happen was opening statements from both sides. I didn't want to see Braxton there, but I had no choice. His family was going to be there, and I knew it would be such an awkward situation having to sit near them. I wasn't too worried about Kirk being found guilty, but I was expecting the worse, just in case, even though in hoping for the best. I don't think he'll be sent to prison, but he did beat Braxton pretty bad, the jury might not take the harassment into consideration and think Kirk was still wrong for what he did.

My biggest fear is getting called up to testify. I know I will be, but it's the point of me having to confess everything, and the press most likely being there to record and take pictures. I didn't want to talk about mine and Braxton's past relationship, the abortion or the abuse. His family would be pissed off, saying its all lies, and there's no proof of me being abused. There was proof though, not only did Kirk witness it, but I had a huge scar on my back from him hitting me with a belt. But, the thing is, there's no proof he's the one who did it.

I'm over thinking the whole thing, I know I am. I've just never been the one to share my business and now the whole world is going to know. I'm not ready for this.



--

Okay, so I've been thinking of who I'm going to write my next Fan Fic on and I decided I'm going to do it on August Alsina! I started to write it already, but nothing will be posted until this book is close to finished. The Fan Fic is called "Fire We Make", like the song by Alicia Keys & Maxwell.. Basically is about a girl, Jackie, who meets August at her job in her uncles recording studio. They hit it off the moment they meet, but Jackie has a boyfriend.. Her & August end up in bed together, she wants to be with him but doesn't want to break her boyfriends heart. So yeah.. Just wanted to let you guys know!!

And thank you guys for all the votes and comments ! I appreciate it <3