Hold Tight (Phan Adoption)

Chapter Ten (Part Two)

Dan's POV

I don't know what it is with people these days. I have never once in my twenty four years of living felt the desire to hurt someone purposely. Especially when I was a teenager, I was always afraid to say something that would hurt someone's feelings. You never know what goes on behind closed doors. Just like nobody knew what was going on with me.

I thought I knew. I really never expected any of this from Waverly. My thoughts are a group of stallions dragging me to the hills. My emotions are birds flying circles around this dark, cold bedroom. I lie on my back and stare at the ceiling. Waverly is curled up beside me, my arm holds her close protectively. Her soft snore and the steady movement of her chest comforts me greatly, I'm just so happy she feels safe here with me.

I'm so happy she came to me and told me everything. I'm relieved she surrendered and gave up her blades (which I have hidden carefully). I'm hurt that she's hurt. It pains me to see the scarring on her sweet skin, the tears running down her sweet face. How could I not know? How could I be so ignorant not to ask if she's had to deal with constant battle between herself and her demons? I will help her. If I have to pull her out of school, I will. If I have to quit my job, I will. I would do anything to save this baby girl thats clinging to my side for dear life from pain and suffering.

She called me daddy. Finally. My heart melts as I replay her voice in my head. This is the first time I've actually felt like a dad, I wonder if its the first time she's felt like a daughter? She is mine to love and spoil and I just can't wrap my head around that. I want to show her love. I want to teach her how to love.

I want her to feel safe.

I want to ask why she was afraid to come out to me, but I already know. I guess its so silly to me because why would Phil and I not be okay it? But I guess she didn't know that, unfortunately. That tears me up. I need her to know that its okay to come to me for anything. Especially something like letting me know she likes girls. As long as she's happy.

It kills me that she's not happy.
When those scars became visible, it felt like they were on my arms. It felt like every single one of them were fresh and stinging, my world had truly turned upside down in that moment. When she gave me the blades I though maybe a few scratches, not arms full of pink and grey bands. I don't even want to see her legs. How could I not notice? It never occurred to me that she might  need an outlet for her sadness. I thought her tugging at her sleeves was just a nervous habit. Now I know to check the inside of her shirts when I wash them.

I look over at the clock that reads 4:54 am. I will never sleep. I almost turn over when something catches my eye. The notes. I turn the lamp on and carefully sit up a little without waking Waverly at my side. I open the crumpled papers and begin to read the messages.

Dear Dan and Phil,

I apologize for not being strong enough to confess my lies in person. I have lied to you so much. I am so sorry. Living here with you two has made me want to change, I am not happy with the person I am. After reading this letter, you won't be either.