The Aftermath Of You

Chapter Twenty Eight

What are you doing?" Toni asked. Her throat was parched, like she'd been sucking on a hair dryer all night.

Danny smiled. A half-drunk coffee sat in front of him. "I've been waiting for you to wake up."

Toni observed that he had accumulated rings around his eyes which made him look somewhat like a raccoon. "Oh, why?"

"Firstly, your grandmother called to make you feel better about your crappy date."

"She knows?"

Danny shrugged. "Apparently some old guy told her about it."

"As it turns out Wayne Kerr is actually a bit of a Wanker."

Danny smirked despite himself. "And your mother came around to drop this off." He lifted a big box up to prop it on the table. "She found you a pet. Its name is Ratatouille."

"Ratatouille?" Toni backed away from the box. "I don't like rats!"

"Don't worry; he's having an identity crisis. For some strange reason Ratatouille is a duckling."

Leaning forward Toni's eyes met with the caramel eyes of the baby duckling. Her heart nearly broke in two. "It's adorable!"

"Your mother mentioned that when the duck gets old enough you could sell its eggs at the local Farmer's Market. Oh! And that she cost fifteen dollars so you're going to have to pay her back."

"Oh, why won't she leave me alone? Can we let it out of the cage or will it run away?"

"I don't know how fast he can run without tripping up on his flippers."

Toni lifted the fluffy duckling out of its cage and cuddled it to her chest, dropping little kisses on its head. "To be honest, I wanted a guinea pig."

"I'm sorry, Knuckles, she was unstoppable. Also she tried telling me that they don't smell."

They sat there in silence as Toni mulled on that. "Smells a bit whiffy to me!"

She looked down at the fluffy duckling in her hands, as it tried to flap his stubby little wings in vain. Now, that was cute. She was smiling down at him when he let rip and crapped down the front of her night dress. "Even fluffy baby ducklings hate me."

The phone began to ring; groaning, Toni tracked it down. "Hello?"

"HELLO!" her grandmother shouted.

Toni sighed. "Hi. I hear you've been having extra-terrestrial visitors."

"ALIENS? NOT AT ALL! GRANDDAD SAYS YOU'VE DONE SOMETHING NEW WITH YOUR HAIR."

She reached up to touch it; it was fluffy just like Ratatouilles, and it came back to her again that it resembled orange candy floss. "Accident with the hair dryer."

"AND HE TOLD ME YOU'VE HAD A HORRIBLE DATE LAST NIGHT AND YOU CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT JACK."

"He's wrong. I had great fun," Toni said, fibbing automatically, while thinking it was such a pity that being an alcoholic restricted Wanton Wayne from doing so many things, like giving his hair a good scrub with shampoo, and using deodorant.

"THAT'S GREAT! SO WHEN WILL YOU BE SEEING HIM AGAIN?"

"I won't be."

"RIGHTY-OH THEN." Granny Smith paused awkwardly. "I'VE HEARD HAIRDRESSING IS A VERY GOOD CAREER!"

"I'm not too good at that sort of thing," Toni admitted. Would they ever give up?

"I'm starting to wish Grandma never bought that Ouija board," Toni told Danny after she'd disconnected the call.