My secret escape

Chapter 9

***TRIGGER WARNING***

Michael's pov

It's been hours since Calum left and I'm laying in bed. Confused about how to feel. I want to let him in. I trust him. I feel safe with him. But at the same time I want to push him away. Letting him in is scary. It could end up with me getting hurt. Sure, Calum seems nice. And I'm sure he is nice. But there are so many people that are better than me and I can't blame him if he'll choose one, or multiple, of them over me.

I'm feeling really bad about myself. The urge to cut is strong. I'm fighting my tears back, because I don't want to cry.

"Michael! Dinner's ready!"

"I'm not hungry!", I shout back. I sigh as I hear her come up the stairs. I was kinda hoping she would just leave it at that.

She knocks and opens my door without waiting for an answer. I can feel her sitting down on my bed as I'm facing the wall.

"What's wrong, sweetie?"

"Nothing mom, I'm just not hungry."

"But you're always hungry", was her answer.

"Mom please.. Let me be."

"You seem off Michael. Talk to me please."

I turned around and sat up. I considered telling her what's been going on, but I'm too scared for her reaction.

"Mom, I'm fine. Really. Go have dinner."

I can see she ain't satisfied with my answer, but she lets it go and goes downstairs.

I decide to do what first comes to mind.

Calum's pov

As I'm playing around on my guitar a little bit, I see the screen of my phone lit up. I put my guitar aside and see that Michael messaged me.

Michael: Hi

Well that's short.

Calum: hey Mikey, how are you doing?

Michael: I don't know to be honest. I don't think I'm doing so well.

Calum: what's wrong? Should I come over?

Michael: no! No, it's fine. I'm just trying to figure things out, which is proving to be quite difficult

I feel a bit hurt by the reluctance Michael is showing with me coming over, not gonna lie.

Calum: okay, what kind of things?

Michael: I don't know, feelings and shit

Calum: what kind of feelings

Michael: I just told you! I don't fucking know! I don't know anything at the moment

Calum: sorry! Sorry! Calm down

Michael: don't tell me to calm down! I'm not fucking calm!

I take a moment to take a deep breath, I have no clue how to respond to this. It's quite hard to try to help him through a text.

Calum: what's going through your head right now?

Michael: don't go all psychological on my ass Calum

Calum: hey! I'm just trying to help, you know

I waited a few minutes but he didn't reply after that. I sighed and grabbed my guitar again. I really want to help him, however he does have to let me.