Sensational

4

~Nina~

I got to know a lot of people here, and their past. Pat, a girl a year older than me, became friends with me. She was in here because her parents found out about her eating disorder and self-harm. This other guy, named Jarrett, was in here because he was schizophrenic. He was really polite, disregarding the random yelling he did. I didn't understand what he was going through, but I accept him for who he was. I didn't look at these people any less than normal people, I actually found it quite interesting how these people cope with their daily lives. Everyone was so different, nothing like I've ever seen. Honestly, they acted completely normal. Anyone at my school could have these major problems, but nobody would know. People with these issues have this picture of normality they have to stick to, it's so sickening. It's like if you're struggling with a mental health problem, society makes you believe that you still have to fit in and be normal. Society makes you think that you can't tell or show people you're struggling.

I, personally, didn't want anyone to know about my problems. Self-harm and suicidal thoughts/tendencies weren't normal. If I just came out and told people, they would probably look at me in complete disapproval. It happens to anyone with a mental illness. If you tell someone, they've changed their view about you. You're just weak and a baby. You can't face reality like a normal person to them. You do face reality like an average person, you just have struggles, like everybody else does. Everyone's different, but not enough people can get that through their head. It's ridiculous how this world works, everybody expects everyone to be just like them.

"Nina, are you okay?" Jarrett asked. It was Pat, Jarrett and me sitting all at a cafeteria table. I looked up from the table and glanced at both Jarrett and Pat. I nodded, not really wanting to talk.

"Are you sure?" Pat asked me.

"Yeah," I whispered. I hated lying but I had to do it for the best. I just wanted to get out of here.

"Tempted?" Jarrett asked.

"Not really, I'm good." I falsely smiled. I really wasn't tempted because I wanted really bad to get out of here. I'd do anything to see my mom and Diana again.

I started back to thinking, about my school and the people there. How could they have pushed me so far that I ended up trying to take my own life. They didn't even realize I hurt myself, they didn't know I was close to doing it. I wish they would've known, so I wouldn't be going through this and I would be at home right now. Everything would still be the same, but I had to fuck it up. My mom's going to continue worrying about my mental health and if I'm alright. She cares about me a lot, I ask myself everyday why I tried committing suicide. I couldn't just leave her like that. Diana is another story. She's not going to be there since we're moving so it's going to be a hell of a difference. I want Diana to come with me or stay at the school I'm currently enrolled at. I don't want to leave her, she's got me through everything. She's kept me straight even when we weren't on best terms. She's everything I could ask for in a friend. I wouldn't trade her for anything at all.

I missed both my mom and Diana so much. I needed them in my life, it just felt empty without them. I didn't want to be here, I wanted to go home. I would recover way faster if I had them around me, just saying. It takes forever to recover and it's just taking longer being here. Yeah, they make sure I have nothing to hurt myself with and they make me go to a therapist everyday but it's just not the same. I just wanted everything to go back to the way it was.

- imma_mess_ok -

Man, this chapter had me feeling some type of way. The first and second paragraph really came from my heart.. It's hard for me to express and tell how I feel so those two chapters were such an improvement, it made me :))))

Oh, and Jarrett is played by Ewan Archer.