Sensational

6

~Nina~

"I hate this place, I can't do this anymore." I whispered, staring at the ceiling. "Dad, please get me out of here."

I hated this place so much but I missed my dad even more. After he died, my life just got so bad that I wasn't sure how to make it anymore. He was my idol. I looked up to him so much. He was the perfect father, I couldn't imagine having any other.

When I was little, he would always make sure I was doing good and he kept up with everything. He would take me to after-school events that I wanted to go to and take me out for ice cream afterwards. We would walk to the park everyday and feed the ducks with some bread. He went out of his way to make sure I was happy; he gave me the world. Even after long and hard days at work. I admired him a lot, I'll always be daddy's little girl.

I missed the way it used to be when he was around. Nobody was sad when he was around. If anyone had a bad day, he would make sure to cheer them up. Cracking jokes or making funny faces, it didn't matter. His loud laugh would echo through the walls and it was so contagious. I used to love hearing him laugh, it made me feel complete. I was complete with him.

Ever since his passing, I felt this emptiness. It felt like my own heart was ripped out of my chest when that heart monitor when went flat. The thing was, my heart was still beating. When the heart monitor went flat, I wanted to put my own heart in his body. I didn't care about living, I just cared if he did. My mom hasn't been the same since he died, neither have I. Life is so bland without him. It's been quiet at home and nobody can genuinely be happy anymore. It's just not the same.

I lost my dad to lung cancer almost a year ago. I didn't know he had cancer until the last few months of his life. They found his cancer at an early stage but it just didn't seem to go away. It just kept getting worse and worse, without me knowing. My dad kept getting hospitalized but my mom just told me it was nothing. Yeah, I expected something was up but I didn't know it was that. When the doctors gave him a few months to live, that's when my mom told me. I was so upset, I didn't know what to do. I just stayed by my dad for those couple months, I never wanted to leave his side.

I would give up everything in the world just hear his sweet voice again. I try to get over missing him, trust me. It hurts when I miss him because I was so used to being around him and all it took was one day to change everything.

Cancer takes many people's lives. When someone you love gets diagnosed with it, all you can do is hope that it gets better. You try believing that they'll beat it, but you can't help but to know that rarely happens. You have to convince yourself that they won't be around much longer, but it still kills you when they pass on. The pain that comes with a loved one dying of cancer is something I would never wish on anyone. It's unbearable and all you can do is cry because there's no other way to express how you feel.

I glanced to the closet, trying to decide if I should hang myself or not. I honestly wanted to do it, I was just trying to find a reason not to do it. My mom and Diana just weren't comparing to Dad.

It's time to start planning.

- imma_mess_ok -

This chapter literally took FOREVER to write. I didn't know what to write, but I tried putting myself in Nina's shoes. I've lost loved ones to cancer, but I just push it off so I don't think about it. I don't know why I do that, it makes my depression worse.

So you guys know Nina is really close to her dad, well my dad & I have a rough relationship. He's cheated on my mom and he acts like I'm the one who fucked up the family's relationship. He still lives with us but sometimes I wish he didn't. I can go weeks without talking to him, and he's my own dad. Yeah. I just needed to talk about that. Sorry.

BTW GUYS I MET TWAIMZ IS WAS SO GREAT YOU GUYS SHOULD SEE MY INSTAGRAM PICTURE ABOUT IT BECAUSE I TOLD FROM START TO FINISH SO YEAH THE PICTURE IS ME & HIM I LOVE HIM SO MUCH btw instagram is taylor.xx.xx