Sensational

13

~Nina~

I quickly cleaned up everything and locked the door before getting in the shower. It wasn't the brightest idea but my dumbass did it anyways. The water stung my open cuts as it rinsed away the dried blood on my skin. I began to wash myself, making sure Diana would believe I was actually taking a shower.

I soon got out and covered up all the fresh cuts before dashing across the hall to my bedroom. I quickly dressed in sweatpants and a long sleeve t-shirt. I didn't want to even take the chance of Diana seeing my cuts. Diana knocked on my door right after I put on clothes and came in. I grabbed my hairbrush and started brushing my hair.

"Adrian is adorable, you know that?" She said, sitting on my bed. I stood in front of the long mirror brushing my hair. I nodded.

"So tell me what happened!" I smiled. I hated putting on my happy face. It was so fake.

"So he took me out to dinner.." Diana went on and told me everything she did. I wasn't really interested. I would nod and act interested but I really wasn't. I was more focused on my body trembling with pain as the clothes rubbed up against them.

"What are you reading?" She soon inquired, knocking me out of my thoughts.

"Diary of an Oxygen Thief. It's good so far." I said.

"What's it about?"

"This alcoholic, he tells us of his past with girls and blah blah. You'd have to read it because it's just a diary of an alcoholic misogynist."

"Oh, I might borrow it when your done." She smiled. I smiled back and nodded. I felt numb. Everything was started getting fuzzy but I just blinked everything away. I was feeling light-headed from all the blood loss.

"Are you okay, Nina?" Diana asked. I focused on her in the mirror. I nodded, smiling. If I would've spoke in that moment, I would've bursted into tears.

"Something's up. Am I not spending enough time with you?" The sympathy in her voice was enough to make me want to jump off a cliff. I didn't answer her, I had to think about what I wanted to say. I couldn't tell her about what happened. I'm going to just tell her I'm tired and roll with it.

I felt so dizzy but just blinked it off. "I'm just tired, you know."

"Nina, please don't lie to me."

"I'm just tired, Diana." I said with emphasis, making sure I put no emotion into that sentence. She was onto me. I was so great at lying about my feelings but it hurt me to lie.

"It's self-harm, isn't it?" She asked blandly. My heart stopped. I felt nauseous. I looked into the mirror to my wrists and nothing was showing. My heart started beating again.

"What do you mean?" I asked, acting like I was confused.

"You were thinking about self-harm, weren't you? I saw you looking at your wrists, legs, and belly like you wanted to hurt yourself."

Not that I wanted to, I already did. "Oh..." I trailed off. I was at loss for words to say.

"Nina, we moved here for you to get better and forget everything that happened in North Carolina. Everything is going to better here. Just please don't relapse. I don't want you to go to a mental institution again. I was lonely forever."

I started tearing up but I held back all my tears. She kissed me on the cheek and went to her room. I got into bed and cried. I cried until I couldn't breathe. I felt so guilty and fucked up. I didn't know what to say to her about all of this. I hurt myself badly, I felt so light-headed while talking to Diana. I know I lost quite a bit of blood for earlier.

I rubbed over my deeper cuts and winced in pain. I felt tears continue to roll down my cheeks but I didn't care. I really had to tell Diana, I felt like I was going to pass out.

I got up and my head hurt so bad. I felt dizzy all the way to Diana's room.

"Diana, I don't feel so-" That's all I got out before everything when completely black.

-imma_mess_ok-

Short and late update, sorry. Next chapter will be part of the hospital after she passes out but then it's gonna skip ahead to after she uploads another video and gets a call for an interview about her music. It'll all then go from there, then it'll be a bit of fan fiction at the end. She'll meet a certain someone ((Ashton)) and yeah!! I'm sorry the past few chapters have been triggering but I'm trying to move away from that because it lowkey triggers me but it's the only thing I can write about without thinking, ya know... Well, I love you guys and I hope you're all doing good. If you guys need anyone to talk to, feel free to message me on here, instagram or twitter. (my twitter is : imma_mess_ok & my insta is : taybuggy.xx )