friends? || lapidot

Chapter 3: Regret

Peridots P.O.V

I should of took them...
I regret my stupid decision not to take them. I was such a downer and so awkward around Lapis, I feel horrible. I nearly trip over the concrete and feel a wave of embarrassment brush over me. The breeze on my face is relaxing as I listen to music with my earbuds plugged into my ears distracting me from socialization and society itself. I hate myself so much for not being happier with Lapis in math today, I thought I didn't need them, I thought I was strong enough..

All I am is a weakling, a stupid teenager trapped in a toddler sized body. If it weren't for my stupid depression my life would be so much better, I would see the world through a whole new filter. I regret not taking my anti-depressants since those seem to be the only thing that gives me the will to inhale in and out everyday. My depression has gotten so bad that not even the girl I'm in love with can make me happy, I mean I know she wasn't exactly trying since we needed to work but still..
you know it's a problem when you don't lighten up around a special someone to you.

Just then I get a text notification from Lapis-

Lapis<3-hey peri! Just wanted to text you to see how you are :3

I read the message from her, hm
How cute. She actually cares enough to take time out of her day to text me! Out of all the possible people in her contacts she chose me.

Peridoot-I'm fine :P

I respond to her text and shove my phone back into my sweater pocket. I know I'm lying to her, I know I'm not okay and I might not ever be okay but I can't have her worrying. I mean it's not like she even cares but you never know...
Another buzz from my phone grabs my attention as I expect it to be a reply from Lapis.

Lapis<3-you sure? You seemed kind of idk strange in math today, you were off your a-game! Peri if there's something your keeping from me just know I will find out one way or another! ;(

I scan through the short paragraph. What's an a-game? Whatever, I just can't decide if I should tell her how I feel or what! I don't know how to respond to this, I'm an awkward nerd who has no social skills whatsoever and no text etiquette.

Peridoot-um yeah I'm cool

Geez can you be anymore obvious Peridot! "Um yeah I'm cool" gosh is that all I can think of?! I slap myself in stupidity as I await at a stoplight and realize about 5 people saw me slap myself. While I wait for the the red hand to turn into a white walking man I think about what happened earlier today in math. The things I could and shouldn't of said.

And then I remember Jasper, ugh Jasper, why'd she have to be such an asshole?! Like who laughs at someone because they can hardly see? (A.K.A me)
I sigh to myself and wonder what I did to deserve her constant negativity towards me. Before I space off I remember I'm at a light and need to pay attention just in case the light turns. Right at the moment the light turns, notifying me to cross. I quickly speed walk across the cross walk in fear of getting runned over and quickly make it to the other side. Just then another buzz comes from my phone and I reach for my pocket to check my phone.

Lapis<3-Peri I know when you're lying, it's pretty obvious... Why won't you tell me what's up? Now I'm 100% sure that somethings wrong and I will not leave you alone until you tell me •_•

Geesh,
Well she isn't wrong about my lying heh. Now I've got another situation on my hands and I have no idea what the hell i'm gonna do?!