Starting Over

Chapter 4

Brooke's Point of View


It had already been an hour since I watched Justin announce our break up on television and I was still inside my dark clammy room, crying and not wishing to see anybody else.


I still can't get over the fact that he just told the world our problems, okay so not literally but he told them our breakup was messy and that it was his entire fault. Now I know I should be grateful that he admitted it was his fault because then maybe his fans would lay off a bit, not send me as many death threats for breaking their idol's hearts but for some bizarre reason I didn't want him to take the heat about the argument, or the break up. Of course the hate was painful and it made things worse for me, but I knew I was strong enough to eventually get over it but Justin could lose a lot of fans by telling the world he's a jerk, people don't like a heartbreaker and that's what he is, at least to me.


And as crazy as this sounds and as much as he hurt me, I don't want his career to go to waste because of this, simply because I care about him and I don't want him to lose everything, he lost me already so I don't want him to lose his fans or his career.


It just made me more nervous to go out in public now, everyone will be going crazy, dying to know what really happened between us, just the thought was enough to scare me shitless.


I hated this, I hated it all. All I want is to be happy but it seems as if I can't even do that, I was happy, so happy with Justin, he was the only thing that brought me true happiness, if I didn't have him I wouldn't be as happy, occasionally I would smile and laugh but never as much as I did when I was with Justin.


Regardless of what happened, my year with him was the best year I've ever spent with anyone, and I just wish it didn't have to end like this. I know all good things must come to an end but I just wish that the end of this wasn't so tragic.


Justin's been texting me non-stop since he came off air, asking me to reply just so we can talk and believe me, every text he sent I wrote a reply, but then deleted it... I know I said I was ready to move on but I guess I'm just not, I need to be miserable for a while, then I'll think off the good times we had together and maybe I won't be so bitter anymore. I just don't want to stay down, I hate it, being upset but nothing is making it better. Not food, movies, friends, nothing, nothing right now can make me happy and that's a fact.


There was a loud knock at the front door that echoed through the house as my eyes snapped wide, looking around in search of the lamp switch.


I didn't know if I was home alone so I had no clue if anybody would open the door.


As soon as I found the light I jumped out of bed- for the first time in what feels like a year- and opened my door and began making my way to the stairs when I heard someone open the front door. Thankfully I wasn't home alone because I don't think whoever was at the door would want to see me in this state.


Turning on my heels I began to walk back into my bedroom when a voice stopped me.


"oh, hi Sir" that Canadian accent spoke as I gasped, cupping my hand over my mouth. I was hearing things, I had to be, there was no way Justin was at my front door right now, only a few feet away from me, no, he couldn't be.


"what do you want?" my dad grumbled and that's how I knew that Justin was standing at my front door.


Half of me was telling me to go and speak to him, face my fears, it was now or never. But the other half was desperately screaming at me to stay away, now isn't the time. So I didn't move, I stayed still, my back facing the staircase as I listened close.


"I need to see Brooke" Justin spoke, his voice was hoarse and rough as if he hadn't spoken in a while but none the less it was more than enough to send shivers down my spine.


"too bad she isn't in" my dad hissed, he was still fuming with the fact I was heartbroken, I didn't tell my dad the reason though knowing it would only make everything worse and the last thing I want right now is for my dad to go and beat up my boyfriend... ex boyfriend.


"she isn't? d-do you know when she'll be back?" he asked, and I could imagine him scratching the back of his neck.


How I was itching to see him, it's been over a month and a half since I've seen his face in person. But I couldn't, not right now, no not like this, he'd want to speak, talk to me, sort things out and like I have said a thousand times... I'm not ready.


"no, now leave, she won't want you here, and I certainly don't" dad spat harshly.


"okay, I'm sorry but please tell her I stopped by" Justin begged. My dad didn't respond and shortly after that, the door slammed shut.


I couldn't believe that Justin was only a few feet away from me and I couldn't move nor say anything.


A fresh set of tears formed in my eyes as I fell to the floor, hugging my knee's close to my chest, sobbing hysterically.


"Brooke, don't cry" I heard Harry's soft voice sigh as he crouched down beside me, wrapping his arms around me and hugging me tight.


"it'll be okay, you know that, relationships suck, I know but believe me it'll get better and then you'll look back and you won't remember the heartbreak or pain you'll remember the good times. I know it hurts but I promise I'll get better" he mumbled kissing the top of my head.


Justin's Point of View


I've tried everything. I call and text her every day and she doesn't answer. I announce that our breakup is all my fault on live television and she doesn't answer. I go to her house and she isn't in?


Why is everything working against me, all I need is five minutes to explain everything and she'll understand; but nothing is working. She hates me and right now I'm beginning to think that's never going to change.


I just announced on national television that I love her and that I don't think our relationship is over? And she still doesn't talk to me?


For some reason, I was mad, furious in fact and I hated the fact that she wasn't replying to me. She was mine, didn't she get that?


I shouldn't be mad, I know I shouldn't I was the one that broke her heart but I'm trying to fix it and she isn't letting me! I'm doing everything I possibly can but it's like ever since she broke up with me she's been missing from the world.


Of course I saw the pictures the paparazzi have been taking of her but other then that nothing, it's like she really wasn't getting over me, cutting me out of her life and moving on. But I didn't want her to move on, she couldn't move on, I need her with me.


I'm going crazy without her, I sit at home and do nothing, lay there with my thoughts and remind myself of how I was the one who fucked up, not her. How I'm the one who broke her heart, how I'm the reason we're both heartbroken. How I'm the one who ruined the best thing that ever happened to me. How I now have nothing, nothing at all. I mean I've got my fans, my career but I don't want to be in this alone, I need someone, no, scratch that. I need Brooke and if I don't have Brooke I don't see the point of carrying on.


Walking back into my house, I slammed the door shut loudly, trying to find a way of releasing my anger.


Monster jumped at the sudden loudness and quickly scurried away, that was another thing that was making everything harder, monster. He was just a constant reminder of Brooke and how happy she was when I gave him to her, but now, she doesn't want him because she wants nothing to do with me.


I felt a sense of relief from the loud slam of the door so I quickly lifted up my fist and shot it at the wall, making a dent and cutting my hand in the process, I didn't care for the fact that I was hurt, I just needed something to release my anger.


Anger at myself for screwing things up, anger at Brooke for not caring about how hard I'm trying to get her back.


Turning around I looked at myself in the mirror, I looked broken, sad and helpless. I hated what I saw, and once again, I lifted up my fist and smashed it into the mirror, cracking the reflection of myself, watching the pieces fall to the floor, one flying forward and cutting my arm along with my knuckles.


Within a few minutes, the whole living room was trashed, vases smashed, frames broken, walls dented, glass shattered across the floor. I don't know what came over me, but I couldn't stop, it's like something was taking over me. I needed away to get my emotions out and this was it.


My knuckles were cut, dripping with blood, my arm was cut from the glass but I didn't care, I finally got that release that I needed. Just as I was about to throw another punch at the wall a voice stopped me.


"Justin!" I heard a women shriek, turning around I saw my mother standing there shocked, I just stared at her, ashamed of myself but I couldn't help it. Tears swelled in my eyes and for once I didn't care I let them fall freely.


I broke down, for the first time since we broke up, I broke down. I hated everything, myself mainly. I didn't know what to do, I was lost, I felt as if nobody cared, nobody wanted nor loved me, useless and as if I wasn't good enough for Brooke, and I hated that. I needed to prove to her that I was good enough but I just didn't know how.


Collapsing on the floor I cried and cried, my mum wasted no time before she rushed over to my side comforting me.


"come on baby" she cooed.


"I lost her mum and i-I don't know what to do" I sobbed.


"it's okay, let's get you out of here, it's alright" she whispered, soothing out my hair as she helped me to stand, walking me through out to her car where she quickly sped off, back to her house.


I was in a bad place right now, and I needed help, I needed my mum.