The reason

Chapter 16

I see no warmth in his eyes. Just a cold, hard glint and grim lips. Impossibly, my heart speeds up further. A roaring inferno blazing through my head causing a painful red haze over my vision. His cutting gaze goes right through me and embeds itself deep in my heart with its poisoned tip.

"These are your thoughts? Your emotions?" I've never heard him sound so angry, even though he's trying to reign it  in. Unsure of how to respond, I give him a quick nod and concentrate on a chip in the wooden seat. "Look at me!" Flinching at his furious tone, I slowly meet his gaze. Already my mind is sorting through it all, good memories to one place, feelings to another locked compartment.

"I knew about the cutting, I knew you needed the pain. I thought you were trying to deal with it, I thought you wanted to live. Never, did I think you'd decide to end it, because you are a fighter." Well, I was tired of fighting. Did he even read the dates. Can't he tell that this was before I got to know him? He is what makes me get out of bed in the morning, what gives kindling to the fire of my soul. "You were really going to do it, weren't you? You could be dead right now. You could wake up one morning and decide it's not worth it. And then what will I be left with?" Is he seriously asking me that? I can't believe how pig-headed he is.

"You will be left with a mother who loves you and will take care of you. A life with a chance of happiness." I hiss at him, my knuckles whitening under my grip on the edge of the seat. "Do you honestly believe I could be happy if you died? Do you think it wouldn't tear my very being into tiny pieces?" This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had.

"So what, if I wanted to escape my life. You cannot even begin to imagine what I felt. So don't act all understanding, because you don't. I've been trying so hard not to do anything like cutting because I know you wouldn't want me then. I just wanted you to get some idea of what kind of person I am. I can't be fixed in a month, maybe not ever." The odd gleam in his eye fades, replaced by a nicer twinkle as his features soften. I stiffen as he reaches out and wraps his arms around me.

"I don't care how long it takes, Reegan. If you can be even a smidgen happy with me, then I promise to take care of you. I couldn't be happy without you, and I could never ever think any less of you because you are the strongest person I know. If you want nothing more than to sit and wait out your days, if you want a counsellor. Anything, just please don't leave me." There's a sexy tinge of begging in his voice, and I look as deeply as I can into those leaf green eyes of his. I see no reproach, no disgust. All I find is desperation and some other emotion I can't identify.

"You know I'm here for you, you can talk to me about anything." He says, still worrying. 

"I know." I say and his breath whooshes out of him in relief, his head dropping to rest softly on my shoulder. The heavy warmth feels good and so right. Is he saying he accepts me, the whole truth? It feels too good to be true, and in my experience it always is.

Two minutes later, though he still seems a bit off, he's back to his usual moronic self. That puts me at ease more than anything, it's all I want from him - his true personality. When he laughs, I can't help but join in, he's introduced me to a side of me that I never knew existed.

"Admit it, it was my hotness that did it." I claim, chuckling at his exaggerated shock.                      "Then we are a perfect match, because you know you can't resist this." Putting on a serious face, he stretches his arm muscles in  different poses. "That's definitely the basis of our relationship." I agree, secretly ogling his muscles. Definitely well defined, but not huge like some gross tank men. Damn, those muscles are fine. He must spend hours working out. That brings up images of him in a singlet and shorts, dripping with sweat. Dragging my mind back to reality I return to my senses in time to hear him say,

"Yep, I got me some serious moves." As he pulls a mock punch, I shove him off the bench, laughing as he lands on the grass on his butt.                                                                                                "Quite the moves, your reflexes could use a little work though."

"You dare question my reflexes? I'll show you." I kick as him, squealing as he reaches up and pulls me down beside him. "Now who's shabby?" He growls as he rolls me over and pins my hands to the ground. "You've got some dirt on your nose." I say between gasps.                                                        "It adds to my natural look." When he lifts one hand to wipe it off I twist out of his grasp and barrel into his chest, aiming to knock him down. Unfortunately, it doesn't work quite as well as I'd hoped and he wraps his arm around me.

"I'll be having none of that." He murmurs into my ear, his arms like vices around me. Leaning closer to him, I press my lips to his. Like a typical guy, he immediately responds, his grip loosening. In a second I'm up and running away, laughing at his stunned expression. "I'll get you for that." He calls after me and gets to his feet. Sprinting through the trees, the crackle of pine needles under his feet gets louder as he draws closer. Why do guys always have to be faster?

Bending over from laughter, I surge through a gap in the trees into a different section of the park. My feet slow down as I try to catch my breath. Not a second after me, Ben dashes through , immediately drawing me into a tight hug. "I like this punishment." I say breathily and then I stiffen as I catch sight of a group of three sitting at a park table. It can't be. If this is fate, then I must have done something really terrible in my past life. The group is staring at us and slowly, one gets to her feet.

A/N Ooh, cliffhanger. The school holidays have just ended so I kind of lost track of the days, and was busy working. I'm sorry for not posting sooner, but seeing as this book just crossed 100 reads (yay!) I thought I should make the time to post. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter :)