Meh #2

Sorry about my mood

I'm sorry that I haven't been myself, but you know the reason why. I'm trying to keep everything from sinking. I am trying to stay strong but I don't know how long that's going to last.

It probably looks like I'm bipolar, and yes. I know what that is. But I've honestly been all over the place with my emotions. There's been so much drama and anger. But I'm still hurting. No one except Angel and Josh understand. And I'm trying to stay strong for them. Especially Josh. Josh needs Angel and my's help the most.

At least it distracts me I guess. Then I don't stop to let my mind roam. If I do the memories and sadness and loneliness will come back and come back hard.

I miss our long conversations. I miss helping him. I miss his everything.
I wish he didn't leave us. I'm still not strong enough to do a chapter. To be honest, I don't know if I will ever be strong enough. Josh and Angel are stronger then me. Josh can write his feelings out easier. But it's not like the same as when Hayden died. This is different. I knew Zeke longer than I knew Hayden and I have said that before.

Zeke was always there though. ALWAYS

Please bear with me. Sometimes I actually will be fine and others I won't. I'll only tell a few people that I'm not fine. But even then I may not. I don't want anyone worrying about me. There's other people that need more help then I do.

JUST BE AWARE THAT I WONT ALWAYS BE MY HAPPY SELF.